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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of couplehood, together.

The Blog

VIDEO TIP: How to Love Your Exhausted Partner

Emily Porta

Back at it again for the third round of my "How To Love Your Partner" video series.  Today, I'm talking about how to love your exhausted partner.  And, this is specifically for those of you with children.  Watch the video for my quick tips:

We're all busy people, right?  And so, we all are susceptible to feeling utterly exhausted at different phases of our lives.  But if you're a parent, you understand a whole new kind of exhaustion.  I get it.  I've gotten so many requests from parents out there saying, "Robyn, we're exhausted and we're struggling.  Please help us.  How do we do this?  What are some little things we can do?"  And I'm so glad you're here. 

My first tip is to create a routine.  Create something where you guys are doing this every day if possible.  Or, every other day--whatever it is, it's a routine and you know when to expect it.  So, what this looks like is, can you show up for your partner in ways that support them and give them little breaks?  If you're the partner who is maybe not at home all day with the children, can you come home at lunch time?  Can you come home during your day and maybe give the other partner a thirty-minute break so they can at least shower?  Or they maybe throw in a load of laundry.  Just having a thirty-minute break and expecting it can change chemicals in our brains.  We'll actually look forward to that, we'll perk up a little bit, and we'll be able to get through those couple hours in our day. 

The next thing I want you to think about within routine is, when children are napping, or if there's just downtime, can you make it to where everyone in the family does the same thing?  That's right.  You guys--parents--can you take a nap at the same time?  Or, can you guys just relax and let your bodies rest?  It's so important to create a routine around this.  And it will change the way you show up for your children, as well as one another. 

The second thing I want you to think about is, how are you nurturing your bodies?  And I'm talking about food and beverages, liquids.  Are you getting enough to drink?  Are you hydrated?  Research shows us that when we are not hydrated and when we are not well-nutritioned, it impacts our moods. It makes it harder to make decisions.  You may find that you or your partner who is exhausted and hungry or dehydrated--you're a little bit short.  Your temper, you kind of snap like that.  Make sure that you are feeding yourselves.  It sounds basic, but we tend to neglect ourselves when we are exhausted.  Can you make your partner maybe a lunch for the next day?  Whoever wakes up first, can you maybe put on a pot of coffee, make a little bit of breakfast, so that it's already there and easy for that person who has, you know, a full day ahead of them with kids.  So, showing up for your partner and helping them to nourish their bodies. 

And the last thing I want you to remember is it's temporary.  It's totally temporary.  This is not going to last forever.  Can you on numerous occasions throughout your day try to lovingly remind yourself and your partner of that?  You can do this by just looking at one another and connecting.  It can be as simple as a look from across the room that says "I love you.  I know this is hard.  You've got this. I've got your back."  It's so imperative that you take time no matter how tired you are to look at your partner and say, "We've got this." 

So, my challenge to you for this week is to:

1.  See if you can come up with a routine. 

2.  See if you can find ways to ensure that you guys are nourishing each other with good food and liquids.

3.  Stay connected.  Find a new way this week to connect with your partner and let them know that you've got their back. 

Thanks for joining me and I'll see you guys next week.

How have you found ways to beat exhaustion and stay connected while in the throes of parenting?  Or, what new challenges has parenting and exhaustion presented to you?  I want to hear about it!  Share your tips in the comments or reach out to me directly