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The Blog

VIDEO TIP: How to Love your Overcommitted Partner

Emily Porta

Are you in a relationship with someone who tends to overbook themselves? Who tends to overextend their yes's to things and requests from other people?  If so, then this week's video is for you.

I'm going to give you a couple of ways you can just love your partner a little bit more and hopefully benefit your relationship.  Because often when you have an overcommitted partner, it's not just your partner being overstretched.  It also probably means you are feeling neglected. 

So here's what you can do. 

1. Tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them and all their effort to stay connected with friends and close people that matter to them.  In essence, this is what overcommitting is, right?  Saying yes to far too many things and overbooking their calendar because they typically want to stay connected, or want a sense of importance, or want to maintain this perception that "I've got my stuff together and I can do it all."  So, start by just letting them know that you love them. 

2. Share with them really gently and free of any criticism or judgment what you observe.  If you notice that they're extra tired in the morning and they're hitting snooze a couple extra times, say so.  You could say, "I notice we're getting to bed really late each night this week, or each night this month.  And you're hitting snooze like five or six times in the morning.  I can see this is really impacting you."  Again, gently and free of judgment, talk about what you observe.  And then I want you to again remind them how much you love them and appreciate their effort to stay connected...and that you're also seeing it impact them. 

3. Talk about what it's doing to the relationship and to you in particular.  Talk about what you need.  If you're feeling a little bit neglected and you just want some more time with your partner, say that to them.  Let them know, "I want to find a way that we can spend a little bit more time together."  Maybe it's an issue ofquality time over quantity.  You might say, "We need time with your phone away, when you're not checking to-do lists."  Maybe you just need your partner to be present when they're with you.  Talk to them about that. 

4. Ask them what they need.  Ask them if there's a way to make their needs an actual reality without overextending themselves. Are there things that you can maybe help them do?  Do they need help saying no?  Find out what it is that they need, so that overcommitting themselves doesn't have to be an everyday occurrence (or, an every holiday occurrence, as the current circumstance might be). 

Give these tips a try the next time you want to communicate your thoughts on the matter and see if anything changes in you, in your partner, or in the relationship.  I'd love to hear how it goes for you.

If this has been helpful, please leave a comment.  I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

But if you need a little bit more help learning how to love your overcommitted partner or you just want some help talking to them, direct message me or give me a call at 714-390-1652. And let's see how I can help you guys start loving your overcommitted partners just a little bit more.