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The Blog

VIDEO TIP: How to Love Your Stubborn Partner

Emily Porta

Thank you so much for joining me for the sixth edition of my How To Love Your Partner series.  Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to love your stubborn partner.  Check out this week's video.

Often times, what happens is either we or our partners just get stuck or just can't move past something about a situation or topic.  Maybe they don't even want to talk about it. 

I'm going to give you three tips on how to love your stubborn partner just a little bit more.  See if these can help you move through some of those difficult topics: 

1.  Be really selective and thoughtful when asking your partner to talk. 

Think about setting up a time.  Ask them, "Hey, can you check your schedule?  I'd love to sit down and talk to you about something.  There's something really important that we need to discuss.  Let's make it a priority, put it on the calendar."  That way, it even gives your partner some time to think about and mentally prepare. 

What it also says is you respect the fact that there's something about the topic that's hard for them and you're giving them some time--and yourself--to come at this in a really thoughtful way. 

So, that's the first tip:  be thoughtful and selective about when you talk about the issue. 

2.  Try to understand your partner and whatever their stubbornness means. 

What is it about a certain topic they're resisting that makes them uncomfortable, that makes them upset?  The best you can do is get curious.  And here's like the golden question to say to your partner:  "Help me understand." 

So, you're not saying, "What's wrong with you?  What's your deal?  Why is this so hard?"  You're just simply saying, "Help me understand.  Share with me."  This can bring your partner's defenses way down.  Then they're much more likely to be vulnerable with you and share with you what is really going on around this topic. 

So, ask them to help you understand what's going on. 

3.  Appreciate them. 

Appreciate any small piece that they can do differently, whether it's sharing what's been bothering them, whether they're saying "OK, yeah, I can put this in my calendar and we can make a time to talk about this." 

Try to verbalize to them what you appreciate about how they respond to your requests, how they move through what typically could be something they get stuck with, and just share that with them. 

So, there you have it.  Three simple tips on how to love your stubborn partner.  Select a time that is thoughtful.  Ask them to help you understand their process.  And just appreciate them for their effort. 

If this has been helpful, reach out and let me know

But if this is something that you continue to struggle with and you would like more help, maybe some one on one help, give me a call.  I'd love to talk to you about working together and helping you figure out ways to love your stubborn partner even more.  You can call me directly at 714-390-1652.