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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of couplehood, together.

The Blog

The Power of Saying No

Emily Porta

Do you ever overextend yourself?  What does that feel like when it happens?  When you do say "no," who or what are you saying "yes" to?

I have a question for you:  Have you ever had to say no?  And, has it ever felt icky or weird doing so?  Is it just me? 

Have you ever had this experience:  I recently had this happen where I was asked to be a part of something professionally and I was super excited about. It sounded wonderful and I said yes.  And as I started getting into it, then it started getting bigger than my time capabilities had for me to offer. 

I had to say no.  And it was such a bummer and it was so disappointing, but I had to kind of sit with that and decide, what was that icky feeling or that uncomfortable feeling?  Like, what was that?  What was going on?  And I'm just wondering, have you ever experienced that? 

And I just thought to myself, oh my goodness, I said no to something else, but I said yes to me.  And, that was so strange.  And it was empowering at the same time.  And confusing. 

And, you know, why does it feel so awkward, so foreign, almost guilt-like to say yes to yourself?  Have you ever experienced that?  Do you ever find that when you have an opportunity to say yes to something, you're like, I'm not quite sure, but yes. I just need to say yes."  And then you go back and you kind of regret that you said yes. 

Pay attention to that.  There's something to that. 

Kind of like what I found.  You know, by ending up going back and saying "You know what, I gotta honor the fact that I think I overbooked myself."  Saying no was one of the best things that I could have done. 

And the person I said no to was so gracious and so kind and so accepting and receiving of that--not that that happens all the time--but it was a great experience for me.  And it kind of proved that it's OK to say no.  Because often times when you say no, you're saying yes to yourself. 

Or, you're giving yourself a yes in a way that you hadn't previously thought of. 

So, I'm just wondering, what's it like when you say no?  And what's it like when you say yes to yourself?  Let me know.  I want to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or reach out to me at Robyn@TheHappyCoupleExpert.com. 

I want to hear from you because I have a feeling that I'm not the only one who has experienced this.  And I just wonder what's it like for you to say yes to yourself?