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The Blog

Communication Tip #1: Language & Courage

Emily Porta

Hi there! Today I want to talk to you about two really important elements of communication.  I know so many couples come to me (and individuals) saying, "I just need some help with some communication skills."  

 

 
 

So, today I want to share with you two elements that are really important-- language and courage.  Now, that may sound kind of funny, like they don't really go together, but they do!  

Let me just give you an example:  So, a girlfriend and I were texting and having a conversation and I made a point and her next text to me, her response was, "Fair enough."  That's it.  No emojis.  No nothing.  So I didn't really know how to take this.  I didn't understand what that meant to her, but I can tell you for me, I had an internal reaction to that, it wasn't super great.  

It was kind of confusing, so I just paused for a moment and we have a really great relationship so I knew I could get kind of vulnerable with her and find the courage to say to her, "Hey, what did you mean by saying, 'fair enough?’  Was that disapproving? Was that a 'oh hey i never thought of it that way’? Help me understand what that meant."  And her response was immediate: "Oh my goodness, it was ‘thanks for the insight I hadn't thought of it that way.’ Thanks for checking in with me."  

And that just proved to me, how important it is that we find the courage when we are confused or we're triggered or we're upset by something someone has said to us or done to us, or we've experienced from them.  If we're having a reaction to it, instead of just reacting and making it worse, can we pause, find the courage and just get really curious with someone?  

We take in information through our own filters-- we all do this-- but we are also responsible for our own reactions and our responses to things.  So, when you can slow down just long enough to say, "Hey, help me understand."  The person on the other end will truly not only appreciate it, but they have an opportunity to connect deeper with you.  How important is that?  

So, communication-- be sure to listen for language and see if you can find your own courage to get curious and clarify when you're having a response to something.  I hope this has been helpful and I want to hear from you guys-- how are you utilizing this?  How is this showing up in your relationship?  

This week, what are you doing and what did it look like?  And maybe it fell flat!  That’s ok too!  We can work on it! Reach out and let us know!  Alright you guys, I'll talk to you again next week.  Buh-bye!