You and your partner have a pattern or a rhythm that is unique to you. Both of you bring the lens of your story -what you were taught about expression of emotions, what it means to love, and overall how to be in relationship. And with that lens you color your perception of others. Add to that lens the challenge of being vulnerable and you have created your relationship style.
Part of counseling is to understand your pattern, keep what works for you and change what doesn't. Sounds easy right?
But when you try to change something it can be frustrating. How can you cope with the transition of bettering your relationship?
-practice compassion for yourself and your partner. Let go of expectation and be open to possibilities
-reflect what your hear from your partner
-imagine what it is like for your partner. This can develop empathy.
When you are willing to work together, in spite of the pain, you might be surprised at how not only you transform but how you as a couple will grow and change to develop a new unique way of being together.