Trust. It's one of the cornerstone's of every relationship. It's what we yearn for. It's something we prides ourselves on when it's strong. And it's something we are shameful of when it's broken.
It's also something that is broken, over and over and over again, every single day. Even in the most healthy of relationships. The relationships that aren't touched by infidelity. The relationships that aren't touched by emotional abuse. The relationships where both people look happy and in love.
Couples who deeply love one another. Cherish each other. Are faithful and consider themselves "a good partner" are committing betrayals on a daily basis.
If you're scratching your head at this point, let me explain.
Women are wired to view the world through a lens of "Am I safe?" which means she is constantly scanning her environment checking for signs of danger. Warning signs that something should be avoided. People, places and things that don't give her a feeling of comfort, ease and safety are to be avoided for self preservation.
In addition to constantly (subconsciously, by the way) scanning her environment, listening, looking, sensing for danger to be avoided she has another question that is constantly comes up ... and this one she shares with her male counterpart.
CAN I TRUST YOU?
This is something that both partners in a couple are subconsciously thinking. And each time they "ask" or think this, they get an answer. This is where couples betray and break one another's trust. over and over again, on a daily basis.
The most damaging betrayals are the everyday ones. The ones that pile up over time as you and your partner consistently ask and answer the question, “Can I trust you?”
“Can I trust you to pick up dinner? To listen to my feelings? To not drink too much at that party? To respect my opinion? To give attention to our kids rather than the television? To choose me? For better and for worse? Over? And over?”
When the “Nos” begin to pile up, you start to look for “Yes” in other places. The extra glass of wine. The stay-at-home dad with the great smile. Your sister. Opportunities for full blown betrayal are everywhere.
But there's hope. There's something you can do differently and it sounds like this:
“Can I trust you?”
The trick is learning how to get to Yes more often.
Showing up for your partner with more "Yes's" creates less opportunities for those daily betrayals. AND it helps the two of you to actively build trust. Strengthen your foundation and feel more secure. Which means more "yes" answers when she asks, "Am I safe?" and "Can I trust you?"