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I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU SOON!

-Robyn

23151 Verdugo Drive, Suite 201
Laguna Hills, CA 92653

714-390-1652

Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

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When you're you're Lonely + Married.

Robyn D'Angelo

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To the woman who feels lonely, misunderstood + like she's mismatched from her spouse,

This letter is to you. From me. From my heart that knows intimately what being married + lonely feels like.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

Here's what I know about feeling lonely while being married:

It's EXCRUCIATING. 

Because when we're feeling lonely + misunderstood, we're likely asking things such as:

-    What the hell happened to us?
-    Why do I have to BEG for your attention?
-    What would it take for you to just WANT to spend time with me?
-    When did we become so incompatible?  

BUT WHY IS THIS SO DAMN PAINFUL?

No one gets married to feel like they are doing this whole LIFE thing, solo. 
We don't get excited about weddings, honeymoons, anniversaries, holidays, major life milestones with the hope of doing it all ALONE.

Togetherness. Inclusion. Connection.

They are what we're wired to do. They are what we're wired to FEEL.

And here's the things about connection: when we're feeling connected, we're usually also feeling accepted, loved, valued + like we matter. 

Which means … if you're lonely, you're probably wondering some version of:

"What the hell is wrong with me that they don't want to spend time with me?"

For the many women that I work with, this is also attached to feeling taken for granted for all that they do to keep everything together.

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To keep track of kids schedules.
To make sure there's clean clothes.
To ensure grocery shopping is done.
To get all the birthday presents bought.
To plan vacations, holidays, family events.
To keep track of appointments. 

So, loneliness not only means, "What the hell is wrong with me?" but it also means,

"Why the hell can't you see + appreciate all that I do for this family?" 

To the woman who feels lonely, misunderstood, here's what you can start doing RIGHT NOW:

#1: Slow Down + Remember.
Ask yourself … "When was the last time I felt the opposite of lonely? When did I feel connected, included, appreciated, + important? Not just to my partner to but in life."

Was I kicking ass at work on a project my boss tasked me with?
Was I full of joy from being on day 79 of a 90 Days of Gratitude Challenge?
Was I volunteering 2x per month at my kids school + loving the energy?
Was I planning a girls' trip with my long-time grad-school ladies to a tropical destination?

Give yourself room to slow down + remember what it was like to feel NOT lonely. 

#2: Connect. (with others)
This may sound like a no brainer but if it was, you probably wouldn't be feeling so lonely right now.

Once you've done #1, and identified the last time you felt NOT LONELY, connect to those things + people who were a part of your feelings of connectedness. 

Connect to projects, interests + activities that fill you up. 
Connect to friends who see you, laugh with you, hug you, cry with you + love you. 
Connect with opportunities to give, volunteer + show up.

The most loving thing you can do for yourself, is to give to others, the very thing you crave.

#3: Get Away, together.
When is the last time you had all your partner's attention? No kids. No work. No phones. No distractions. 

It's time to get honest about what it is you LOVE, MISS, + CRAVE that only they can give you. 

TODAY, say some version of:

I am so lonely in our marriage. I miss the hell outta you. I miss us. Let's make time this week to reconnect. Let's get a sitter. Let's get in the car + drive up the coast. Let's book a quick weekend getaway. Let's get outta here. I need you, me + no distractions. How can we make this work in the next 2 weeks? 

And then make it happen.

Pull out the calendar. Text the sitter. Check for local flights. Google events within driving distance. AND JUST GO. TOGETHER.

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4. Reconnect. (with your spouse) 
While doing #3 (getting away), take time to reconnect with your spouse. 

Take the time to touch them. 
Take the time to get to know them deeply.
Take the time to let them feel you: physically, emotionally, + spiritually.

Feeling like a total mismatch when it comes to the daily interactions is pretty typical. 

Knowing that you have the power to reconnect to the parts of you that fell in love is what's going to offset the feelings of incompatibility. 

While married life (after decades, children, relocations, job changes, health challenges, etc) may have created staleness… 

You must choose to get back to the source of your love + connection.

Whether it's your passion for French press coffee, your love for hiking outdoors, or it's just being still together - RECONNECT to that source.

In relationships, we all suck sometimes. Which means you're going to feel lonely, misunderstood + completely incompatible at times. And so will your partner. Knowing that this is the nature of being an imperfect human, with faults, irritations, and limitations in a relationship with another imperfect human enables a little more empathy + kindness. 

Yes, it's awful to feel lonely + invisible in your relationship, but sometimes it's going to happen and having the tools to cope will greatly reduce the pain associated with your experience.   
 
Remember, you're just two imperfect humans trying your best to not suck at being together.  

So, if you're ready to reconnect with your spouse + you'd like some personalized support, let's talk. 

Click the button below right now. Today is the day that YOU can choose reconnection over loneliness + disconnection. 

 

 

An EPIC Marriage PSA.

Robyn D'Angelo

Relationships aren't alway EPIC. I know this. You know this. Yet we all crave those EPIC moments.

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

It's totally cool - there's no shame in wanting some fairy tale version of love. It's what keeps us hopeful when shit gets messy in marriage. It's the stuff we dream + fantasize about. It's what puts a smile on our face when we get those random surprises from our partner. 

But it can also be disheartening if we expect our partners to show up in ways that aren't realistic. Or in ways that WE ourselves wouldn't even do. Sometimes we look at Rom-Coms and feel envy for that woman on the screen whose man surprised her with a weekend getaway, a fancy new dress, or when she is gently (yet firmly) kissed like she was the only person on the planet that he desired. (ooooh I love that one) 

There's no bigger LoveGeek on this planet than me, so I totally get this. 

And yet, in order to actually experience these EPIC LOVE moments, there's one thing that many of us overlook. So, I've written an EPIC Marriage PSA just for you (and it serves as a reminder for me too.)

You've heard various versions of this PSA with regard to world peace, success in your career + even finding that special someone. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."  -Gandhi
"Dress for the job you want, not the one you have."  -My Dad  
"Be the person you want to fall in love with."  -Danielle LaPorte

So, here's MY version for creating your epic relationship that lasts: 

"Be the EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit." 

That's it. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too complicated. Just start with being that person you most desire. 

Here are just a THREE ways you can start to do this, TODAY:

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1. Wake up tomorrow morning, look at your partner and say this: ""I love you. Do you know that? Do you know that even though we've been too busy for date nights, too tired for sex, + honestly too annoyed with each other to even hang out like we used to ... I love the hell outta you." 

2. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would relieve pressure from my partner? What's one thing that could put a smile on their face? What's one thing that would make them feel loved? {Then do it. One thing. Every day.} 

3. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would put a smile on MY face? How can I take care of myself so that I have energy, desire + interest in my partner? Can I book a massage? Can I go for a run? Can I get a sitter for the kids tomorrow night? Can I get tickets to a movie + go solo? Can I carve out 15 minutes to read this book that I've been wanting to dive into?

In order to have that EPIC marriage, and to be that EPIC partner you've got to start thinking about YOU! If all you do is give, give, give through out your day, you will have little to nothing to give your spouse. 

And here's the kicker ... you ready for this?

When you're depleted, it's nearly impossible to RECEIVE!

You read that right. When you're exhausted, feeling unappreciated, disconnected, + annoyed with how much you are giving ... it will be quite impossible for you to accept + appreciate all those EPIC love gestures from your partner that you CRAVE. 

So, let me know how it went. Try out these three SIMPLE steps in being that EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit. 

And if you're still struggling, maybe you two need a quick deep dive. Check out the 1-Day Couples Intensives that I offer. It just may be what you and your spouse need to reconnect! 

How to Repair Your Relationship After a Fight

Emily Porta

Feeling like you're having the same fight over and over again?  Is it causing your relationship to veer in a direction you don't love?  Well, you need a relationship repair and I'm here today to tell you how you can start the mend and get back on track!

 Click Here or click the image below to watch more!

 
 

Your relationship does not have to be hanging by a thread in order to start making minor shifts. Most couples that I work with will say they are the 80/20 couple. 

80% of the time they are really, really good. And 20% of the time, they're bad. Really, really bad. But no one is ready to throw the towel in. They just need some tools to move through that messy, shitty 20% of the time. Relationship Repairs is one of the MANY ways you can start connecting deeply with your partner by allowing conflict to bring you closer together vs pushing you further apart.

Can you imagine that? Post-fight, you're actually feeling more in love with your partner? It's totally possible. I do this often.  And I teach people just like you how to do just that. Daily. 

If this resonates so deeply with you that you want more? Reach out! I would be honored to speak with you about how I can support you in mastering the messiness of couplehood + create that epic relationship you deeply desire and truly deserve. 

Click HERE to schedule a FREE 20 minute phone call. Let's get you unstuck + moving in the direction of living a happy + fulfilling life. With the love of your life. 

Take a Solo Trip to Reconnect with Your Partner

Emily Porta

 
 

Hi there! I'm getting ready to go on a trip without my husband.  And I get excited about this for a couple reasons, because I know the importance of space and time away from my partner.  I'm not excited to get away from him.  I'm excited to go do something that I've had planned that I know is both for my business and for pleasure, to connect with friends, because I know when I go and take care of myself, I am more alive and I feel inspired and I'm more motivated. 

When I come back to my partner, it completely changes the way we connect.  It changes how we engage with one another.  It changes how we relate to one another and it enhances our relationship. And I share this with you because I encourage you to look at your schedule and look at just your lives and do you have space to create, not to make, but to create and actively go and schedule something just for you? Whether it's business related or personally, you know enriching. 

Can you do that?  In the next week or two, can you take a look at your calendar and schedule something so that when you go away, you can recharge, get revived and return to your partner a new person? 

Alright and I want to hear from you-- what did you guys decide to do? And how did it go when you returned back and talked with your partner?  Remember, it's all about taking care of us, so that we can show up the best version of ourselves for our partners. 

Make A Decision!

Emily Porta

 
 

Life is nothing but a series of choices.  And I say that in the context of relationships, because oftentimes I get my clients and people in general just kind of asking me, "Well, what do I do when I just feel like somethings not fair or I really truly feel like I'm in the right and they're in the wrong and I just need them to see me and hear me and I need them to change their minds?"  

You have a choice.  We always have choices and in a moment, your relationship can change simply based on a choice you make.  So if you are trying to connect with your partner or you're having a fight or you've just had a fight, think about your choice of what you're going to say, how you're going to respond.

Do you choose to turn toward them? Do you choose to walk towards them when you really just want to run for the hills?  You always have a choice.  

And oftentimes when you choose what's right for the relationship and you think about the relationship, rather than your wants and your feelings and, but what's right for the relationship and you choose according to that, it makes the world of difference.  

So, keep that in mind next time you have a fight or something just really hard comes up.  Think about, "what is my choice right now?" And just make a decision. And then if you don't like the outcome of that decision, make another decision.  That's the beauty in this.  There's no right or wrong decisions, there's just decisions with outcomes.  And then based on how you feel on that outcome, make a different decision.  

So, there you have it.  And if you don't know how to make those decisions or you would like help making those decisions, call me!  That's what I do! I help couples every single day learn how to love and be loved and that includes making decisions.  So, reach out.  Thanks for watching, I'll see you next week!  Bye!

It's Been 15 Years...

Emily Porta

Just a warning, today's blog is full of cussing. Because, well cussing happens when I'm passionate, sad or grateful. You'll get all three today. 

15 years ago my father was diagnosed with cancer. A brain tumor. And if you know anything about cancer, you know that it's non-discriminatory and it's an asshole. (There, I said it. Cancer is an asshole.)

Right around a year later her was dead. It was that fast. As much as cancer was the major asshole in my family's life, I will give it this: it was swift, efficient and caused my father little (physical) pain. Much appreciated. 

Today, I'm reminded of how that asshole came into our world and removed my father from my life. Today he would be 72 years old.  And for the last 14 years, on his birthday (and even on my wedding day, that he missed) I cheers him with a shot of Grand Marnier, his fave sipping liqueur. 

Birthdays were special in my family. 

Every birthday, from elementary school up until the year my father died, he'd send me flowers. He really knew how to make me feel special. It was just one way that I knew he loved me. It was thoughtful. He went out of his way to do something he knew would make me feel special. 

He also openly cherished my mother. And when I say openly, I mean mushy, gushy, lovey, dovey cherished my Mom. Quietly, privately, and gently.

Growing up I saw a hard-working man, who raised 4 daughters and loved his family. He worked a lot. And I mean A LOT. But when he was around my Mom, I noticed them. I paid attention to their love. You could almost feel it. They were quiet yet intentional about how they supported one another. 

He'd call her Poo (short for Nancy-poo) and lovingly pinched her on the butt when she made dinner. I remember catching them dancing in the kitchen once, when they thought no one was around. She giggled and swooned. My brain will never forget that moment. Mom still tells the stories of how he'd take her to fancy conventions, and introduce her as, "This is my first wife, Nancy." (First and ONLY wife, but who's counting?) 

My father showed me what love was supposed to look like. And my Mother's response showed me what it was supposed to feel like. 

You're reading this, so by now you know me. I'm a self-proclaimed LOVE GEEK. You know that I am in love with LOVE and I think I have my parents to blame. Ok, The Notebook, Titanic and even the Little Mermaid may have had something to do with it - but at the end of the day, my parents taught me about love. And for that I am grateful.

They taught me that even when shit gets really hard (and it does!) you show up for and with one another. 

They taught me that when life (kids, work, family, in-laws, illness, weather, finances, etc) happens to you - it happens to BOTH of you. 

They taught me that there's never enough time in the day, so you must MAKE time in the day for one another. 

They taught me that having pet names, pinching butts and slowing down long enough to dance in the kitchen can be the glue that holds love together.

With 2016 being my alcohol-free year, (yeah, that's an entirely separate post!), Sans the Grand Marnier, I say cheers and Happy Birthday to the man who taught me what love is and fueled my obsession with helping others to know it as well. Let's celebrate a man who knew a thing or two about love! 

Holiday Fun with Your Partner!

Emily Porta

 
 

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert and you're relationship coach teaching you how to create your very own EPIC relationship that lasts!  And for those of you that are here in the states, we have a holiday coming up again, that's right, we have Labor Day.  And this is a perfect opportunity for those of you in relationships to connect with your partner and talk about rituals of connection.  

What I mean by this is, when we have a holiday, it's kind of like an organic, what we call, pattern interrupt, right?  So we have this normal, daily routine-- we get up, go to work or we get the kids ready for school.  Well, we have a holiday, which typically means, no work, no school, so that's a pattern interrupt!  We're interrupting the pattern of our normal daily life and these can be wonderful!  

This breaks up the monotony and it gives you and your partner to talk about, how do you want to spend this time?  Maybe it's an opportunity for the two of you to go and spend time apart with friends, do something separate.  However, I really want to encourage you guys to sit down and talk about, how can you spend time together?  

Maybe this is an opportunity to create a new tradition for Labor Day.  Maybe it's an opportunity to continue traditions; however, whatever you do, talk about it! Plan.  Maybe make a plan to not plan.  But, sit down and make time to talk to your partner about hey, we have this  day, what do we want to do with it? And just give yourselves the space to talk and to kind of day dream about the possibilities and the opportunities.  

This says to your partner that it's important-- your time together, quality time, is important.  And that you value their opinions.  So, make time to talk to your partner about this upcoming holiday and go enjoy yourself!  

Leave a comment and let me know-- what did you guys end of doing? Where did you end up going? What did you end of up not doing?  Maybe you binged on Netflix, but regardless, talk to your partner, connect and let me know how it went! 

Love Your Partner Outloud

Emily Porta

 
 

Hi Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert and your relationship coach, teach you how to create your very own EPIC relationship that lasts.  

I have a question for you: When is the last time you made your partner feel amazing?

 And I don't just mean physically.  I mean when did you just tell the world about them, or brag about them, or share with your friends or your family-- when did you publicly declare, not only your love for them, but your pride in them?  

This support, to a lot of us, and especially now, in this day and age when everything is so public, we have social media, etc.-- it's so easy to get on and talk about things that we're excited about right? New movies are coming out,  or snapping a picture of our favorite food and post it online. It's so much fun to be quick with a video of our kids or our pets doing adorable things and share with everyone.

But, are you making time to publicly profess your love, your appreciation, your fondness, how much you cherish your partner? How proud of your partner you are? I want you to do this.  

I want you to make time this week. Take one action to publicly proclaim your love for your partner and that can be anything that you come up with-- as a matter of fact, I want to hear from you.  What creative ways have you decided to publicly proclaim your love and affection and respect and loyalty to your partner?  

Pick a couple or pick one and share with us in the comments below.  Take the time.  Make the time to love your partner out loud! Alright you guys, I'll see you next week.  Buh-bye!