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-Robyn

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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Category: Video Series

Improve Communication in Your Relationship NOW!

Emily Porta

 
 

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert and I just wanted to make this quick video for you today to remind you of the 3 part video series that I created that is called, "How To Master Compassionate Communication & Fall Back In Love With Your Partner."  

I created this video series for you because of all the feedback I've been getting from people wanting to work with me and help their relationships become the most epic that they can be.  I've been hearing two complaints in particular that couples come to me with, which is, "We can't stop fighting.  We don't know how to communicate."  And the second one is like, "The passion is gone or that flame or the passion has totally fizzled, what do we do?"  

So, I created this 3 part series to guide you through three different ways of connecting with your partner and then I give three action items that you and your partner can start doing right away!  And, yes, to have lasting connection and changes within your relationship, you've got to have ongoing work- there's got to be effort, but this just gives you one little thing that you guys can start doing immediately that you will see shifts within your relationship.  

It is the start to creating that foundation that you guys can really make some lasting changes in your relationship.  

It's completely free and it's just a little something I wanted to give you just a glimpse of what it is I do when I work with my couples as a relationship coach and how to get them to their most epic relationships.  

Alright you guys, I'll see you next week!  Buh-bye!

Cuddle Up, We're Getting Intimate This Week!

Emily Porta

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert.  I want to talk with you about intimacy today.  This is a topic that, especially as someone who coaches people on how to have amazing relationships, comes up often. 

 
 

There is a three part definition for intimacy:  1. it’s a closeness, a familiarity, a friendship; 2. it’s also private or cozy atmosphere, so you think of maybe a concert that you go to where there's only a handful of people; and 3. then of course is the act of being really close.  Often times, it's sexual intercourse, but not always.  Could be cuddling, kissing, holding hands, dancing, anything that requires closeness of you and your partner.  Intimacy is huge, but it's also really vague and abstract!  

I actually just recently read an article but Zoe Hicks, about the Five Stages of Intimacy and I won't go through all of those, but I encourage you to look it up, it was really fascinating.  She compares it to kind of the five stages of grief because they are both intense and there is dullness and then theres gains and then theres losses.  Intimacy is different for everyone.  

She talks about it starting with the stage of infatuation and I thought this was really important to share because we've all been there, right?  You meet that person, you go "Oh my gosh! This is the one!  I can't stop thinking about them! I'm texting them all the time or I'm checking my email.  I want to be with them!" And, you know, research shows that when we hit orgasm, our brain releases so much dopamine (up to 95%) that it looks like and mimics our brain on heroine.  This is phenomenal.  This also means that it's not a sustainable state, right? Like, our brains would fry if we like operated at 95% dopamine release similar to, heroine use.  Not possible.  

Which kind of leads into the next stage which is about, I think she calls it landing, where you wake up one day and you're like, "Who is this person that I got married to? Their jokes are not funny.  Oh my gosh, you know he's so neurotic, I can't believe it.”  And there was an article in Psychology Today that I think said, "The day you wake up and say 'Oh My God, I've Married the Wrong Person!' that's the day your marriage or relationship begins."  Because, it's the day you start to realize, ok I'm dropping out of the infatuation, but we're still really close, like we're so close that we're showing each other the parts of us that aren't so glamorous.  And that's real intimacy.    

So, I just wanted to share a little bit with you about intimacy and what this looks like and I want to encourage you to have a conversation with your partner: "What does intimacy look like and mean in your relationship? Do you want more of it?  Do you know how to create more of it?" And if this is something that you struggle with, please know you're not alone.  My goodness, you are not alone!  

I'd love to work with you if this is something you feel like you'd like a little bit more help with in your relationship.  Feel free to reach out, contact me directly.  This is what I do.  I help couples reconnect, deepen the intimacy, maybe even create it in new ways.  Intimacy, it's simple.  It is, but it's not easy.  So if you need some help, reach out, let's connect, let's work together! And, here's to building a more intimate relationship. Talk to you guys soon. Buh-bye!

March Madness & Your Love

Emily Porta

Hey everyone! Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert.  

We are in the thick of all things March Madness. I mean, amiright?! I love this time of year! 

Basketball, and brackets, and college basketball teams and… yeah, that's about all I know! Ha! I love this time of year because it gives my partner and I, who literally have zero, (like goose egg, zilch, nada, none, 0!) interest in March Madness, an opportunity to connect on something where we both kind of feel like we're the outsiders- together!  

Everyone is out there, they have their teams, they have their money and they’re betting on brackets and all that good stuff.  And we hear about it, yeah, we watch it and we kind of look at each other and giggle because we both just aren’t that into it.  

What do you and your partner connect on?  Is it something where you guys can both giggle and say, "We so don't care about this, but we're here and it's fun!"  Can you guys find something that is your thing?  

Maybe you guys are a sports team couple.  Maybe you go to games together and you have your matching (or opposing, haha) jerseys on and you guys show up full force.  That is so awesome.  

Or you might be asking, "Well, Robyn, what if one of us loves a sport or event and the other one doesn't?"  

This is still a really great opportunity to connect with your partner.  Ask them, "What do you want to do about this? Do you want to host a get together at our house for the game? Do you and your friends want to go out and watch this at a bar or another person's house?"  Talk about plans.  Watch what happens when you just involve your partner in planning or talking about something that gets you guys excited and just pay attention to each other's energy.  That's something that can really connect the two of you if you just take a moment and kind of be aware and comment on that.  

So, what is your thing? What is it that you and your partner connect on that maybe no one else does?  Or that you connect on in such a big way that other's get a little bit jealous. like 'man, that is one hard core Chargers-lovin’ couple!’ 

Let me know what you guys connect on and how do you show up big?  Leave me some notes in the comment section below! Let’s get the conversation flowing and maybe some lightbulbs will go off on things you can try to connect on in your own relationship!  

Have You Outed Yourself?

Robyn D'Angelo

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert.  I wanted to make a video for those of you who have chosen to live or remain child free, whether you have chosen that strictly by choice or maybe you are child free by circumstance.  What I want to talk about today is: how do you manage when you get questions from family and friends, from strangers even, that feel pretty awful? 

We can call them criticisms, we can call them judgements- some people are downright nasty in their response to you when they ask a simple questions like: "Oh, do you have kids?"  Am I Right?  Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you get this?  Do you hear the responses when you say: "Oh, we don't have kids." Or "No, I don't have children." Or "I've chosen not to have children." 

I will tell you that I hear things like "Oh, wow, that's quite the selfish decision." Thanks.

I've heard things like, "Oh you'll change your mind, don't worry about it."  Uh, I'm in my mid thirties, don't think I will be changing my mind, nor will my partner!  

What about this idea of "Oh, can you just not have kids?"  

I've heard it all, you guys.  I. Have. Heard. It. All. And, I'm venturing to guess, maybe you've heard some things too.  So, I'm wondering, how do you manage the criticism and the judgement and sometimes just the nastiness that you get from people some that you might not even know.  How do you manage?  

I can tell you that for myself and my husband, we have come up with different responses kind of depending on our mood.  We can get kind of tongue and cheek, we can get a little saucy sometimes, a little sassy.  But often times it's just being confident and loving in our response of "We've just chosen to remain child free and we really love our dog and we volunteer and we give our time." I mean, heck, I'm a therapist, I'm a relationship coach.  Most of my days are made up of nurturing relationships and giving support and providing guidance.  I really don't feel that I'm missing out on being a parent and adding value to my life.  

Now, I want to hear from you!  How do you handle those objections, those curiosities, those questions, those judgements from people in your life whether it's family and friends or strangers?  And if you're struggling to answer people with confidence or even to just 'out yourself’ as choosing to live a child free life, contact me.  Let's work together! I'd love to help you craft a response and get really comfortable and confident in talking to people about your choice to remain child free.  

I hope to hear from you soon.  Take care! Buh-bye!

Getting Married? Ask These Questions to Ensure an Epic Life Together!

Robyn D'Angelo

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert. And, guess what's coming up? Wedding Season! (As if some of you didn't already know that!)

So, in the spirit of wedding season approaching, I wanted to talk to all of you who are either engaged, looking to get engaged, or thinking about marriage at all, because when I work with couples and I'm doing premarital coaching there are four different areas that I sit down with them and get them talking about because in order to have an EPIC relationship post wedding, you've got to be doing the work before, during, and after the wedding. 

So, let me tell you about those four different areas: finances, career, love, and social life. 

What happens is, if you guys aren't talking about different aspects of each of these and you get married, then all of the sudden, it feels even heavier when you have an issue.  I'll give an example of some of the things that I do when couples work with me for premarital coaching.  I have different questions that I Iike to go through and ask. 

So, let's say for money, "How do you set boundaries around the requirements of your job and do you equate earnings with success?"  Something to think about. 

With love, here is a great question: "How is this relationship different from those didn't work out?" Get the conversation going.  What it does is, it actually highlights what's really special and EPIC about this relationship. 

Here's an example for a work question: "What are your expectations for your partners career and success and then how does his or her level of ambition differ from yours?"  Again, having these conversations, negotiating these, talking about this. 

And then lastly, social life: "Describe how your picture of your day to day life will look together."  Again, these are things that may seem kind of light, some of them may seem kind of heavy, but if you're not talking about them, there is going to be a big disconnect.

What we do in premarital coaching is I help facilitate these conversations between you and your partner. 

So, there you have it- four different areas that you should be talking about with your partner and if you need help facilitating that conversation, I'd love to be that person for you.  Feel free to reach out. You can send me an email at robyn@TheHappyCoupleExpert.com or comment below and let's chat! And here's to wishing you a happy and EPIC life together!  Talk to you soon!