Have you ever attempted to tell your partner what you need and gotten a response that was really lackluster or just really wasn't helpful at all when asking for something that you needed? It's hard to talk to our partners about our needs and it doesn’t get easier when you get a response like this.
Maybe, even saying 'Hey, I need this' is tough for you to do. Maybe, because you have a history of your partner not being able to accommodate your needs or not understanding them or simply not caring when you asked for something you needed. Well, today I want to give you a simple exercise for you and your partner to do to hopefully change thing conversation, to enhance this conversation, and to connect the two of you.
I recently rediscovered a book that I’ve had on my bookshelf called, "His Needs, Her Needs." It's a classic. And there's something in there that really stood out to me. It’s these 10 basic emotional needs that most of us have within relationships. This is all based on research and surveys taken by the author.
What I would love for you to do, is for you and your partner to sit down and write out these 10 emotional needs. I'll go over those in a minute. But then, just take some time to separate, go on your own, take a look at them and prioritize them. You know, 1 through 10-- what's top priority? And then pick your top 5. And then have a conversation about this.
Let me go through those 10 for you so you know what I'm talking about: so there's affection, there's admiration, conversation, there's domestic support, family commitment, there is financial support, there is honesty and openness, there’s physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.
So these are the 10 basic needs in most couples relationships. So, when you take the time to prioritize these and you find your top 5, I want you to come back together and talk about what your top 5 are and what they mean to you because when someone says, 'Financial Support' that can mean something to one person that is completely different to what it means to you.
Start this conversation. Start talking about how you can accommodate some of your partners needs-- things that maybe you're not comfortable with, which then leads us to boundary setting, which will be another video in the future. But, just talking about and identifying 'What are my needs and what are my partner's basic needs?’
I can guarantee you this will be an eye opening conversation for the two of you especially if you've never done it in such an open and honest and loving way.
So, try that out. If you have any questions or you want some more support through that please reach out. You can, you know, contact me directly or leave a message below-- leave a comment.
What was this like to sit down and prioritize your needs and talk to your partner about this?
Alright you guys, good luck! I will see you next week! Take care!