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The Blog

Filtering by Tag: anxiety

Relationship Rehab: Making Your Anxiety Your Superpower

Emily Porta

Does your anxiety feel more like your cape or your noose?  Let's talk about how I made my anxiety my superpower on this rainy day.  Check out my latest video and join the conversation!

Today, I'm talking to all of my fellow anxiety sufferers.  Good morning.  It's raining like crazy here in Southern California, which is great because we need the rain.  However, for those of us who experience anxiety, this can be a really tough time. 

 I woke up this morning thinking about all the different places I needed to go, and my anxiety immediately started:  "Oh my goodness, I have to get into my car, I have to drive...."  I know that when the weather gets like this, people tend to not drive at their very best, and so I get anxious.  And I start thinking what are the ways I can make anxiety my superpower?  How can I do this?  And I'm struggling this morning. 

So, I just wanted to share a little something with you.  First thing this morning, I had to take my dog to the vet, and I noticed: I'm going in there, I kind of took my time, traffic wasn't too bad.  And I start interacting wtih the gal who's checking me in and helping me out with my dog.  And I called her by name. And I noticed how it just shifted the energy between us.  She got more smiley.  She kind of lit up a little bit, and it started with that. 

I went to grab some stuff and check out and again, the next guy that I interacted with who worked there, called him by name and I said "Thank you.  How are you today?"  Just taking a moment to get present.  And to check in with someone who you're interacting with.  It seriously lit him up and it was so wonderful to see him go "Oh gosh, thank you for asking."  And it just kind of continued on.

I decided to treat myself to a coffee this morning and as I'm walking in there, I'm smiling, I'm looking at people.  People were probably thinking "What is this chick's deal?"  But I just felt so happy.  I felt so relaxed because what I was doing was I was doing my best to keep present.  And when I'm acknowledging people within my environment, when I'm holding doors open for people and saying "Go ahead, after you," not only does it create an energy and kind of a connection with others, it--ZAP!--brings you right into the present moment, which is one of the best ways that you can manage your anxiety. 

So, I just wanted to share that with you guys this morning because it just had me feeling really great (unexpectedly, because I did expect to be really anxious today).  And I'm doing a great job of making my anxiety feel more like a cape for my superpower, and less like a noose--you know, something that just feels like it's stifling. 

So, if this sounds like something you need some help with or you struggle with, give me a call.  I'd love to help you out with it.  714-390-1652.  And if I can't be that person, I'd love to help you find someone in your area that can help you learn to manage your anxiety and make it your superpower. 

What tricks do you use to make your anxiety your superpower?  I'd love to hear your tips in the comments below!

Does Your Anxiety Feel Like a Noose or a Cape in Your Relationship?

Emily Porta

I had the honor and joy of being interviewed by Stuart Fensterheim, Couples Expert in Scottsdale, Arizona about couples and anxiety. Listen and learn simple ways to have a loving caring relationship when one spouse may be struggling with an anxiety disorder. With openness and vulnerability I share both my personal and professional expertise on creating intimate connections when anxiety is present in your relationship.

The anxious spouse A Journey of Connecting

STUART B FENSTERHEIM couples counselor, relationship expert, author, and blogger

 

Click the black box above to listen!

 

In this podcast you will learn ...

• How to identify our own super powers as a means of being vulnerable with your partner.

• See the importance of sharing how painful the anxiety disorder is and how powerful it is to share your experience with your partner.

• How the non-anxious partner's anticipatory anxiety of their partners anxiety becomes part of the problem.

• Tips to help couples having a vulnerable dialogue about what each of you needs from each other.

• Exactly how creating connections is about intimacy within your relationship.

• The real dilemma when an anxiety disorder is a part of your relationship and how to maintain strong connection.

• Changes that occur in relationships when anxiety is more of a noose than a cape.

• What anxiety REALLY feels like and how it's experienced.

• How to identify and meet your partner's needs in order to feel loved and supported.

• How to look at the partners anxiety disorder as a strong message to use your support system.

• HOW TO MAKE ANXIETY YOUR RELATIONSHIP'S CAPE RATHER THAN ITS NOOSE. 

Don't Let Anxiety Kill Your Relationship

Emily Porta

Anxiety in a relationship is challenging and here are three things YOU can do to ensure it doesn't kill your relationship. 

Did these help you? I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or email me directly. If you're in the Laguna Hills, California area and you'd like to know more about how to create a happier and healthier relationship - I'd love to work with you directly. (714) 390-1652.

What to do when you are overwhelmed

Emily Porta

Have you ever had that feeling that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel? Sure, we all get overwhelmed from time to time, but how do we keep moving forward even when we aren't sure how? I find a lot of anxiety is attributed to the worry and thinking 50 steps ahead of the present. I have totally been there to. It is like when you are a kid and you can't fathom adulthood. Why? Because you are meant to be just kid in that moment. So that brings up the first tip:

1. Focus on the moment - What can you do right now? You might be worrying in the middle of the night about a phone call you need to make, BUT you can't make that call right now! Right then you just need to sleep. 

2. Get it all out - Put down all your worries and fears, either in writing or in talking t a friend. Dump your brain out. This creates an awareness of what is giving you anxious energy. 

3. Evaluate the necessary - When you look at your priorities, you discover what you need to do now and what you have control of versus what you can't deal with in the moment. Some of the things that consume us are things that are unknown or that could change down the road. 

4. One step at a time - When you are overwhelmed, it is all about putting one foot in front of the other. Some days you will want to race ahead of yourself or stick your head in the sand, but small steps are what it is all about. 

5. Have compassion - You didn't think I was gonna leave this one out did you? Listen to your body and your heart. Don't push yourself more than you can handle. Be attune to your needs and how you can meet them in the process of eliminating the overwhelm. Do everything with love and compassion for yourself.

Letting go of overwhelm means you come into a place of acceptance and knowing yourself. You continue to work on your life and dealing with issues, but you have a greater confidence in knowing that somehow, you will be okay. 

Stop Smoking for Good - Guest Post

Emily Porta

I recently met Stacey Galvin, MFT who specializes in working with introverts, people with anxiety and highly sensitive persons. When you meet Stacey, she has a great sense of calm about her that makes her so easy to talk to. I invited her to share a guest post on my site. If you know of anyone that is struggling with being easily overwhelmed, I highly recommend Stacey. 

Some of us when we are stressed, use smoking, drinking, or food to cope. Stacey gives an excellent review of Prasad's work on stopping smoking for good. Read the full article here

Is your holiday not so merry?

Emily Porta

The turkey has been gobbled and the shops have had their busiest day of the year. The air feels crisp and there are fanciful decorations all around. This should put you in the holiday spirit, right? Actually for a lot of us, the holidays are difficult, emotionally overwhelming, and something we just try to get through. Being around family can bring up old wounds and conflicts. We also might reminisce and grief further the losses of those that are not with us to celebrate any longer. Here are some tips to do more than just survive the season.

1. Give yourself some space - It is ok to be alone sometimes. Plan it and do something nice for yourself. Read that book that you have been meaning to get to, take a long bath, get in the kitchen an bake something, or rent your favorite DVD.

2. Give back - When we serve and show compassion to others, it draws us out of our pain and helps us to not feel so alone. There are lots of opportunities this time of year to donate your time and resources to those in need.

3. Surround yourself with goodness - There might be someone in your life that it is hard to be around. This is the time to set a boundary and surround yourself with people that are supportive instead. If you feel like you don't have someone to lean on, find other goodness in your life. This can be time for meditation, eating a favorite meal, watching something funny, or going for a beautiful hike. Practicing the art of appreciation can lift your mood and brighten your perspective.

4. Balance your mind - Yep, somedays are going to be better than others. But remember, this is not the movies, life isn't perfect and that is ok because the pain is temporary and isn't all encompassing. There is some good, some bad, and some neutral. When you start to despair, balance the thought with something that is positive and acknowledge that they both can exist in the same space. The more you fight to not feel the more tension arises in your body and mind. This can be exhausted. Work to find the lightness in your heart.

These are just a few quick ways to cope with the holidays. Call me if you want to talk more about ways you can cope 714.390.1652

May you find meaning in this season- meaning in the pain and the joy.