HEY THERE!  I'M SO GLAD YOU STOPPED BY!

NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN CREATING YOUR EPIC RELATIONSHIP OR BUILDING THE LIFE YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? FILL OUT THE CONTACT FORM ON THIS PAGE & LET'S FIND YOUR STARTING LINE TOGETHER!

IF YOU'RE READY TO MAKE EPIC CHANGES NOW, CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE YOUR FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULT!

I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU SOON!

-Robyn

23151 Verdugo Drive, Suite 201
Laguna Hills, CA 92653

714-390-1652

Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: awareness

The Balanced Mind

Emily Porta

Have you ever had the experience of driving your car, ending up at work, and not really remembering how you got there. People call it "autopilot." It is a strange feeling to stop being aware and in tune with what is around us. But this is often how we treat our lives. Imagine driving a car, only looking forward, never turning from side to side or to check your rear view mirror. Now imagine driving a car, only looking behind you. (Don't try that by the way) Proper driving is about keeping your eye up ahead and checking back often to see who is behind you or to the side of you. It takes balance and intention to remember all the things involved in driving your car to work. 

Some therapists will tell you to look towards the future and have a vision. This is what will motivate you in the present. Others say, learning to be in the present is all that you need. While other therapists heavily emphasize the past. I would say you need all three. There is a living in the present moment, a moment informed by your experiences of the past and your hope for the future. Awareness of these three things is much like driving your car, being present with what is going on around you, what is behind you and what is in front of you.

Some clients will try to meditate. After 10 minutes of breathing they become frustrated, as if it should be so easy to balance their mind. The complexity of our minds is nothing that can be fully understood in brief efforts of meditation. It is something that requires compassion, time, and understanding. If you have a relationship that is struggling. You can't just push through to the future without understanding how you got where you are today. Having compassion for your struggle reduces the anxiety and stress and allows your mind to be more balanced in understanding the relationship as a whole.

So before you get in the car again, set an intention to be just a little more aware and balanced. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself and the world around you.

Is this thing working?

Emily Porta

Most of us want to know something is going to work before we try it. We read reviews of products before we use the or listen to evaluations of places before we plan a visit. So how does that work with counseling? I mean, how do you know it is going to work? You can hear from one person that they LOVE their counselor or therapist and that same therapist has had clients that stopped coming to them because they didn't like it at all.  I know people that have been in therapy for years. Does that mean it isn't working for them? Actually this is the exciting part. You get to decide. You get to decide who you see, how honest you are, what you talk about and how long you go. Think of it like you are designing your own tailor made product that works only for you!

When counseling works, you usually know it right away. If you don't, just take a little bit of time for self reflection and evaluate some of the following areas:

• Did the issue I brought to counseling initially get addressed? Has their been any improvement at all, even if it feels small?

• Have I seen changes in my relationships, career, or other areas of my life?

• Am I more aware of my feelings or insight about situations?

• Do I feel  motivated to go to counseling? Am I looking forward to what else I will learn?

If you answered yes to these questions, I would say in general, counseling is working for you! That is great!

If you said no to the majority of these questions, then here are some other questions you can ask yourself to figure out why it may not be effective:

• Do you feel a connection with your therapist? If you don't, have you talked to them about it? Not every therapist is for everyone. I tell clients that if they don't feel a connection or that my style jives with theirs, I am happy to provide a referral. It doesn't mean I am a bad therapist or they are a bad client. In fact, to me, that kind of honesty is what makes therapy successful. If I can link a client to someone that does help them, then I have done my job!

• Do you feel understood or listened to in your sessions? Nothing is worse then speaking from your heart and having it completely disregarded. The process of therapy is one of developing knowing - knowing of ourselves and being known by the other (the therapist)

• Can you be totally honest in your sessions? That's right, leave your censorship at the door. 

• Do you want change in your life and are you ready to take risks to make this happen? Risks might include setting boundaries with other people that might get upset about it or asserting your needs even when there is no guarantee that they will be met.

I believe counseling helps people. It has helped me personally and I wouldn't be in this profession if I didn't think it helped others. A good therapist wants to see you have positive change in your life. If you need help figuring out if counseling is right for you, consult with a therapist. I, and many other therapists, offer free consults to help you make the right decision for yourself.