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I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU SOON!

-Robyn

23151 Verdugo Drive, Suite 201
Laguna Hills, CA 92653

714-390-1652

Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: couples communication

How To Apologize To Your Spouse

Robyn D'Angelo

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When the good old "I'm Sorry" isn't communicating how it used to, I have five different strategies to effectively apologize to your spouse.

CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

Not sure what YOUR apology language is? 

Maybe you want to know what your partner's is? 

CLICK HERE (or share with your spouse) and take the quiz now!

 

For more helpful videos, click here to visit our YouTube Channel!

Or  CLICK HERE to give this related video a watch! 

How to Win the Game of Listening (So You Both Get What You Want!)

Emily Porta

 

Your Mid-Day #LoveBreak is here!

Today you’ll discover: How to WIN the game of listening! Get out something to take notes with + let’s set you up for success! #TheLostArtofListening #ListenToMe #LoveGeek

Want to Create EPIC Love? Not quite sure how you're going to do this? No problem! Helping couples + individuals create healthy fulfilling relationships is my jam. Let's talk about how you can create your EPIC relationship that lasts, a solid marriage that lasts and fabulous friendship that lasts. Call me - email me - or find me online. Let me show you how to LOVE + BE LOVED, better.

How to Really Love Your Spouse, Even When They Suck!

Emily Porta

Your weekly LIVE Mid-Day #LoveBreak is here!

Let’s chat about ...
How to REALLY love your spouse ... even when they suck.

Ooooh check it out ... at 25 minutes I tell a story where I get all vulnerable and teary. 
{Shocker, I know ... but it might be exactly what you needed to hear today.} <3

In this video you'll discover ...
💗 Why hanging in there is a MUST.
💗 Why it feels absolutely impossible at times. 
💗 How to successfully love the hell outta your partner (especially when they suck)

Maybe you can even watch this WITH your partner - it will definitely benefit both of you. <3

An EPIC Marriage PSA.

Robyn D'Angelo

Relationships aren't alway EPIC. I know this. You know this. Yet we all crave those EPIC moments.

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

It's totally cool - there's no shame in wanting some fairy tale version of love. It's what keeps us hopeful when shit gets messy in marriage. It's the stuff we dream + fantasize about. It's what puts a smile on our face when we get those random surprises from our partner. 

But it can also be disheartening if we expect our partners to show up in ways that aren't realistic. Or in ways that WE ourselves wouldn't even do. Sometimes we look at Rom-Coms and feel envy for that woman on the screen whose man surprised her with a weekend getaway, a fancy new dress, or when she is gently (yet firmly) kissed like she was the only person on the planet that he desired. (ooooh I love that one) 

There's no bigger LoveGeek on this planet than me, so I totally get this. 

And yet, in order to actually experience these EPIC LOVE moments, there's one thing that many of us overlook. So, I've written an EPIC Marriage PSA just for you (and it serves as a reminder for me too.)

You've heard various versions of this PSA with regard to world peace, success in your career + even finding that special someone. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."  -Gandhi
"Dress for the job you want, not the one you have."  -My Dad  
"Be the person you want to fall in love with."  -Danielle LaPorte

So, here's MY version for creating your epic relationship that lasts: 

"Be the EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit." 

That's it. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too complicated. Just start with being that person you most desire. 

Here are just a THREE ways you can start to do this, TODAY:

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1. Wake up tomorrow morning, look at your partner and say this: ""I love you. Do you know that? Do you know that even though we've been too busy for date nights, too tired for sex, + honestly too annoyed with each other to even hang out like we used to ... I love the hell outta you." 

2. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would relieve pressure from my partner? What's one thing that could put a smile on their face? What's one thing that would make them feel loved? {Then do it. One thing. Every day.} 

3. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would put a smile on MY face? How can I take care of myself so that I have energy, desire + interest in my partner? Can I book a massage? Can I go for a run? Can I get a sitter for the kids tomorrow night? Can I get tickets to a movie + go solo? Can I carve out 15 minutes to read this book that I've been wanting to dive into?

In order to have that EPIC marriage, and to be that EPIC partner you've got to start thinking about YOU! If all you do is give, give, give through out your day, you will have little to nothing to give your spouse. 

And here's the kicker ... you ready for this?

When you're depleted, it's nearly impossible to RECEIVE!

You read that right. When you're exhausted, feeling unappreciated, disconnected, + annoyed with how much you are giving ... it will be quite impossible for you to accept + appreciate all those EPIC love gestures from your partner that you CRAVE. 

So, let me know how it went. Try out these three SIMPLE steps in being that EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit. 

And if you're still struggling, maybe you two need a quick deep dive. Check out the 1-Day Couples Intensives that I offer. It just may be what you and your spouse need to reconnect! 

Stormy Weather Won't Stop You ... Be the Best Partner You Can Be

Emily Porta

Yes, there's lots of rain here in sunny Southern California. Not just RAIN IN LA (hilarious BuzzFeed video you should check out for a good giggle) kind of drizzle but major, land-shifting, El Nino grade storms. You know, the kind that can wash away roads, cars and more importantly access to Starbucks. What??!?! 

It reminds me of how relationships can feel overwhelming, messy and cause lots of damage ... but that doesn't have to stop you from being the best partner that you can. 

Do "storms" in your relationship challenge your patience? Sure. Can it make it hard to think loving thoughts and keep a smile on your face? You  know it. But does stormy weather keep you boarded up in your house, hiding under the covers, paralyzed by fear? NO WAY. (well ... unless you're in the midwest where there may be tornadoes and blizzards - YIKES!)

YOU get to choose how you will be the best version of YOU today, tomorrow, this week, this month ... you get my point. It's a choice and with these simple (yet not always easy) steps, you can be the BEST PARTNER YOU CAN BE in 2016!

READ MY SHORT ARTICLE HERE  - it's full of simple how-to's. Then forward it to your partner, parent, friend, BOSS! (just kidding ... that may be a little to much this early in Q1)

My wish for you is a happy, healthy and abundant 2016! Let's get this party started, already.

The Magical Phrases That Every Couple Should Learn

Emily Porta

There are two groups of people in relationships: The Masters of Relationships and The Disasters of Relationships. The Masters of relationships  are the ones who report being happy and satisfied with their relationship and partner (which includes conflict and I mean LOTS of conflict). The disasters of relationships, among other things, report overall dissatisfaction in their relationships and partners.

In the midst of conflict or the likelihood of it, the Masters of Relationships repair early and often, and they have lots of strategies for how to repair. Dr, John Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action - silly or otherwise - that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” In using the word “any” it leaves a bunch of room for creativity. And since each and every relationship is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can actually be a special way for the two of you to connect.

When the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling) are present in your relationship or any conflict arises, it's important that you know how to repair or get back on track. Check out the Repair Checklist below for magical phrases to help get you and your partner back on track. 

GOTMAN CHECKLIST

Do You Go to Bed Mad?

Emily Porta

Is the old adage that you should never go to bed angry really true?

Like many of you, I love reading the little articles on relationship advice.  I love reading to hear what people are saying what works for them, what doesn't. 

And I was just reading an article that was saved on my computer. I think it has some really great little nuggets in there and it's called "15 Ways to stay married for 15 years."  And number 1 on the list is "Go to bed mad."  

I love this because I think it's been years and years of kind of old school thinking that we have to resolve our conflicts before we go to bed with our partners.  We have to make sure everything is off the plate to start fresh the next day and I just don't agree with that. 

Especially just thinking about John Gottman research that says 69% of our problems are completely unsolvable.  So, things that are going to continue to come up we're never going to get to a place with our partner where we can say, "You know what, you're right.  Let's just--I agree with you.'"  Not necessarily. 

So, I love that you can go to bed mad.  What this does is actually gives us that recalibration that I'm always talking about when it comes to conflict. It gives us an opportunity to get a good night's sleep, to let our bodies literally calm down. 

Because often times when we get really overwhelmed and something happens to our bodies called "getting flooded" where our heart rate just skyrockets, our blood pressure skyrockets.  All of these physiological things happen that it literally takes a physical act of relaxation and rest so that we get through that situation and we can think rationally and have that conversation. 

So, the next time you and your partner are having a fight or even just a little tiny argument, remember, Robyn said its OK to go to bed mad. 

And the important part is to remember, how do you come back together the next day?  How do you say, "Let's try this again."  Or, "Can we revisit this?"  That's the important piece of this. 

So, I want to hear from you.  Do you go to bed mad?  Do you think it's something that is allowed in your relationship?  And, I wonder if it hasn't been up to this point, what would happen if you tried it? 

I hope this was helpful.  Leave a comment or you can shoot me an email: Robyn@TheHappyCoupleExpert.com.

#1 Reason Couples Go to Therapy

Emily Porta

Psst--It's not what you think!

 

I have a question for you today.  What do you think is the number one reason that couples call a therapist?  Or couples go get counseling?  Do you think it's because it's fighting about in-laws?  Do you think it's money issues?  Maybe they want to learn some skills about parenting?  I'll tell you.  The number one thing I get from couples who walk into my office is "Robyn, help us communicate.  We can't communicate.  We're fighting all the time.  You know, she shuts down.  Or, he throws a tantrum.  Help us learn how to communicate."  But, I have a secret for you.  When you're fighting, when you're shutting down, when your partner is throwing a fit, or is ignoring you, that's communicating.  There's definitely a message there, right?  You understand.  You understand that there is something being communicated to you.  Now, is it productive?  Not so much.  Does it feel great?  Not particularly.  But there's definitely communication going on.  And I just really want you to know that seeing a therapist can help you learn how to fight more productively, more respectfully.  Because I'll tell you something.  The happiest couples actually fight.  They fight quite a bit.  They just know how to do it well and they know how to come back together at the end of the day.  So, if you're listening to this right now and you're struggling and you don't want to struggle anymore, call me.  You know, couples even wait on average about six years of struggle and challenges before they reach out and get help.  And sometimes that's just too late.  And I don't want you to wait anymore.  So, today, if you are at that breaking point or you just feel like, "I can't keep doing this.  This should not be this hard."  It doesn't have to be.  Call me.  Even if you're not in the Orange County area, reach out. I can help you maybe find someone in your area.  Because I don't want you and your partner to wait six years.  I don't want you to wait anymore.  So give me a call if you have any questions.  You can reach me at 714-390-1652.  And let's just chat.  And let's get you to a place where you and your partner are communicating respectfully and productively.