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Filtering by Tag: face your fears

The 4-Letter F Word You Can Say in Public

Emily Porta

There's an ugly 4-letter F word that we're all well-acquainted with. 

But, you're not going to see any moms giving their kids "earmuffs" when you say it.  In fact, too many of us are afraid to even say the word out loud.

Do you know which F Word I'm talking about yet?

I had a dear friend and colleague ask me, "Hey, Robyn, why don't you do a video on fear?"  I'm like, "Yeah, sure.  Why not?"  You know, nothing to fear, right? Just go ahead and do a video on fear.  So, that's what I want to talk about today. 

I want to talk about how fear shows up in our lives, how it impacts us, how it can get in the way, and how it can actually help us get out of our own way.  When I think about this word "fear", first of all, it's a four-letter F word.  Probably one that you could say in public without getting too many dirty looks.  But, when I think of fear, it feels really heavy.  It feels really intense--the word itself. 

And then I think about what fear feels like, and that can feel pretty similar, right?  It can feel heavy. It can feel intrusive.  It can feel like a huge obstacle.  It can feel like something that you just want to dodge or something that you just want to shove out of the way.  I don't know about you, but it definitely doesn't make me want to say "Yeah, fear! Let me go look this right in the eyes and figure out how to win this." 

But fear, you know, it obviously serves a purpose in our lives.  It used to be something that kept us alive.  When we were being chased by a pack of wild animals, fear, you know, kept us suspicious and alert.  But now, it can be so many other things.  Especially as an entrepreneur like myself, and many of you out there, fear can start to paralyze us when we're making decisions within our business.  Fear can paralyze us in relationships.  But it doesn't have to.  The beauty in being a human being is we get to choose our responses to things like fear. 

Under these circumstances, there are two things that we have zero control over:  initial thoughts that come into our brain and initial emotions or feelings that rise.  We have zero control over those.  What we do have control over is how we respond to them.  Do we look at those as kind of our brain's way of trying to get our attention?  "Hey, something big is about to happen." And our reaction can say "Oh my gosh, this is either going to go terribly wrong or this can go wonderfully, surprisingly well."  Right?  We have a choice.  We can choose how we're going to respond to that initial thought of fear. 

So, what I want you to think about is the next time you feel that surge of what I like to refer to as "uncertainty" because that's just what it is.  How will you decide to respond?  You have that choice.  And, you know, when you think of fear and uncertainty--my dear friend Jenny Wigle--she did this whole project on fear and she calls it "uncertainty" and I just love that because it's true.  Uncertainty is--we just simply don't know what's going to happen.  And we get to decide: what are we going to do with that uncertainty? 

Our thought processes can often go something like: "Well, Robyn, I get fearful because I'm afraid of rejection" or "I'm afraid of how I'm going to be received by my peers, by my community, by my partner, by my family, for the choices I'm making. I'm afraid."  That's great.  Because what happens is fear comes right before a major event.  That's been my experience anyway.  Because if we're not afraid, then that means there's not risk.  And as people who are--I don't know, I just feel like human beings who are successful and happy--we're risk-takers.  Every little thing is kind of a risk, you know?  Do you pick up the phone and call that person you met a couple of nights ago?  That's a risk you're taking.  It's scary and can really pay off.  Or it can fall flat.  That's the choice you make. 

You know, when I started making these videos, I was terribly fearful.  And I had so many people cheering me on and so many other people saying "I don't know why you're doing this.  Who's gonna watch these?"  And, on the other side of it all, I had such a wonderful and supportive response from everyone.

I just really want to encourage all of you out there that fear can be a really wonderful thing. It feels uncomfortable, but it can catapult you into that next portion of your life; your career, your relationship. 

So think about that. And if this is something that resonated with you and you want to talk more about this, I'd love to hear from you.  Give me a call.  Let's talk about maybe working together, and figuring out how to make fear and uncertainty your catapult, rather than your obstacle.  Call me:  714-390-1652. 

Got stuck?

Emily Porta

Last week I was at a training. The coach was helping us address our fears and in that room there were a TON of successful people. But when he dug down deep, they all had fears. Actually, everyone shared pretty much the same fears. It starts with "I can't" or "I am not". 

Living in the headspace of being less than or of not having reaps fear, anxiety and frustration. What if we started claiming what we are. "I am" or "I can" followed up with positives. You might walk taller, speak confidently, and start making decisions with your higher level brain. 

I have said many times that what gets us stuck is our lack of options. Language is a primary place where we lock ourselves into beliefs that don't help us move forward in our lives. So taking the time to change your language can even impact your perspective and your feeling about a situation. 

This is why affirmations are so powerful. You are asserting who you are, claiming your power, so that then leads you to confidence or at least more assurance. My hope is that you don't stay stuck. That you see there are other ways and if you can't find those ways on your own, that you reach out to get help from someone. You CAN do this!