Filtering by Tag: fulfilling your needs
Ok, so it's Mother's Day weekend and of course I am blogging about it. But really, it is a part of my series on what we can learn from infants. Everyone needs a momma. Mother symbolizes nutrition, nurturing, comfort and safety. As the mother provides this for the infant, the infant grows, forms attachments and makes meaning out of the world. But then what happens if you didn't get this? What happens if your mother was neglectful, self absorbed, or disengaged?
How we are attached to our mother from infancy affects who we are as adults. But as adults, we can recognize what happened to us. We see the "misses" that happened between us and our mothers. This is why I talk a lot with clients about parenting within. Each of us into adulthood must now parent ourselves. We must nurture ourselves, respond to our needs, and provide a safe comfortable place for ourselves to grow. Often times in couples therapy, the couple ends up in the dynamic where they don't ask for what they need. "They should know!" But, no...your spouse isn't your mother. Your spouse can't anticipate your emotional needs like a mother does with an infant. Your spouse needs you to communicate like an adult.
Looking for mother in all the wrong places will lead to relationships that aren't fulfilling. But if you learn to mother yourself, take care of you, then you are free to be you in whatever relationship you choose. Therapy helps you find that inner parent so you don't look for it in others.
So maybe Mother's Day is fantastic for you! Great! Celebrate your mom! Thank her for all she has provided. And if it is a tough day, believe it or not, you can now be the best mom to yourself. So be kind to yourself this weekend. Pamper yourself because if you aren't connected with your mom, you can be connected with the mom inside you. Mothering is can be tough but also rewarding. Find a mother to be thankful for, even if it is you.
What do you need in your life? Love? Happiness? Security? You can make a list but at some point, people can get uncomfortable with expressing their needs. That feeling of being uncomfortable can sometimes come a fear of being selfish. I want to really stress the meaning of being selfish. Selfishness is when we are devoted to ourselves alone, no matter the cost to others. So when you want to do something, have something, be something, take a moment and be honest with yourself. I bet you might find that you are NOT BEING SELFISH. But that fear can get in the way of you obtaining your hopes and dreams. The fear of being selfish results in people silencing their desires and then becoming a victim of their fear. We can get stuck. When you incorporate these negative storylines, we only hurt ourselves. Take a moment and think about what you have really wanted in your life. Dream big - it's a good thing!