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The Blog

Filtering by Tag: grief

Surviving the Holidays: Coping with Grief + Loss

Emily Porta

Welcome to your Mid-Day #LoveBreak.

Today is the last edition of the Surviving the Holidays series + we’re covering: Shedding Light on Loss: Coping with grief + loss during the holidays.

I am honored to have Jill Johnson-Young, co-owner of Central Counseling Services here to talk about how "Life after A loss is choosing to start over when you would rather not." Grab something to take notes, share this link with a friend, and get comfy. It’s time to be supported. We'll be discussing: πŸ’œ What to expect this time of year if you're grieving. πŸ’œ How to (and NOT TO) support those who are grieving. πŸ’œ How to take care of yourself + those you love during this time of year. T

To learn more about Jill + her services, click here https://www.facebook.com/yourpaththro...

More info on Jill's Program: "Your Path Through Grief" https://yourpaththroughgrief.com/

If you or someone you know + love needs or wants support, please share these resources.

Grieving and Divorce

Emily Porta

Grief. Death.Divorce. Divorce is a death and if you have kids, it can feel like an aging parent with dementia...an impending death that never fully happens. Let's just look at some of the things that change when you get divorced that you may notice in the first few moments of waking up:

β€’ Your sleep - it changes when it doesn't happen along someone else

β€’ Your bed - you are alone in it now

β€’ The morning routine - no more sharing the sinks, waiting for someone to get out of the shower or bathroom, or someone to be your second alarm

β€’ Noise level - if you are by yourself, it is just quieter

β€’ Your closet - just your stuff

β€’ Your emotions - maybe you no longer have anxiety about dealing with your partner because they are gone, maybe you now feel more sad, or pick any other emotion that was unexpected because it is going to happen at some point

Ok, that was just the first minutes of your day...no multiply that times a billion and that is what divorce can feel like on any given day. It rocks your world. Even if it was the best decision you could have made, there is still loss and like any loss, we must grieve. Grief is cyclical and fluid. Just when you think you are "over it" or some aspect of the loss, it can come back up to say "I am still sad, help!" With every change, milestone, or new memory there can be a lingering sense of how divorce has changed your life. 

The thing to remember is to not fight the grief. Don't stuff it, minimize it, ignore it or berate it. The more you accept it, the less powerful it will be. The more you rush into feeling what you feel, the more likely the grief will let go of its grasp on your heart. It is there, just wanting some comfort and acknowledgment. Allow yourself to feel and you might find that your emotions weren't so scary after all. 

One last thing....if you are going through grieving a loss...it is important to have a guide or support network. There is counseling, but there is also support groups, activity groups, and other resources out there. If you would like to know more, please call me at 714-390-1652 or contact me here.

Is your holiday not so merry?

Emily Porta

The turkey has been gobbled and the shops have had their busiest day of the year. The air feels crisp and there are fanciful decorations all around. This should put you in the holiday spirit, right? Actually for a lot of us, the holidays are difficult, emotionally overwhelming, and something we just try to get through. Being around family can bring up old wounds and conflicts. We also might reminisce and grief further the losses of those that are not with us to celebrate any longer. Here are some tips to do more than just survive the season.

1. Give yourself some space - It is ok to be alone sometimes. Plan it and do something nice for yourself. Read that book that you have been meaning to get to, take a long bath, get in the kitchen an bake something, or rent your favorite DVD.

2. Give back - When we serve and show compassion to others, it draws us out of our pain and helps us to not feel so alone. There are lots of opportunities this time of year to donate your time and resources to those in need.

3. Surround yourself with goodness - There might be someone in your life that it is hard to be around. This is the time to set a boundary and surround yourself with people that are supportive instead. If you feel like you don't have someone to lean on, find other goodness in your life. This can be time for meditation, eating a favorite meal, watching something funny, or going for a beautiful hike. Practicing the art of appreciation can lift your mood and brighten your perspective.

4. Balance your mind - Yep, somedays are going to be better than others. But remember, this is not the movies, life isn't perfect and that is ok because the pain is temporary and isn't all encompassing. There is some good, some bad, and some neutral. When you start to despair, balance the thought with something that is positive and acknowledge that they both can exist in the same space. The more you fight to not feel the more tension arises in your body and mind. This can be exhausted. Work to find the lightness in your heart.

These are just a few quick ways to cope with the holidays. Call me if you want to talk more about ways you can cope 714.390.1652

May you find meaning in this season- meaning in the pain and the joy.