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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: healing

Emotional Wounds

Emily Porta

I've been thinking a lot lately about our need as humans to feel seen and truly understood by our partners, as well as, getting the courage to admit when we don't feel visible to our partners.  

 
 

The event that really triggered this is something that happened last week and I really want to illustrate this for you.  

So picture this:  I was driving into the office last week and I saw a little dog running around in the neighborhood all by itself.  I pulled over and I just watched it for a minute, looking around for it’s owner nearby.  I didn't see any humans in the area, but the dog looked happy.  It looked joyful and adventurous and was running around and just seemed overall good-to-go… other than it was unsupervised, missing its human.  

So by now, as curious puppies do, it's running into the street. You may already know I am a huge dog lover.  So, I get out of my car and I walk over to the dog and the dog just comes running to me.  I mean just so happy!  This was like a little shitzu, maybe 4 pounds— teeny tiny!  And he seemed so happy to see me, so I squat down and I pick him up and again, no collar, no identification or phone number to return to its owner.  Then, I notice there are some burrs and really sharp stickers in his paws and his back legs, so I gently start to remove them as gently and slowly as I can.  I'm soothing the dog and I can tell the dog is uncomfortable.  It's wincing and pulling away and trying to wiggle free, but I held on tight and I created this little space in my arms for this tiny little dog so I could remove as many of these burrs as I could.  

Then I go door-to-door, knocking, trying to find the owner.  Finally, I give the dog some water, and long story short- I get the dog to a shelter and fill out all the paperwork and hope that his family can come find that dog. 

But, as I was driving back to the office, I really started thinking about all of you!  Those of you who tune in every week, who receive the newsletter, who have probably listened to a few of these videos and really resonated.  Or maybe this is your first time watching one of these videos (WELCOME!) and maybe some part of this is sounding familiar.  

Either way, I just wanted to share this with you guys because I thought about all the people that I know that reach out to me, that talk about everyone around them thinks they're doing great; nobody knows how much they are in pain, how lonely they are, how disconnected they feel from their partners/families/friends, how they just feel like they want to get home.  And I just wonder if any of this resonates with you?  

I wonder if there a part of you that is nodding your head or saying “Yes!" or even tearing up?  Saying, "Yeah, I'm tired of wandering around and looking perfectly happy and healthy and in love to everyone outside and yet, I have these emotional stickers and burrs that are just agonizing every time I move.  And I'm ready!  I'm ready to do something about this."  Is that you?  Do you- Are you feeling this right now?  If it is, I just wanted to say to you, and I need you to hear this: "I see you.  I see you and not only do I see you, I know how to support you in this.  I know how to scoop you up, make room for you and you're partner and gently tend to those emotional wounds that no one else can see."  

I can help you do that if you're ready.  If you're ready to start tending to those wounds and if you're ready to find your way back to your partner-- I want to help you!  I can help you!  It just goes back to that idea of courage that I talked about in the beginning of this video and the courage that it will take for you to reach out and get that support.  Because the moment you do that, that's the day that you decide that you're ready to go home and I want to help you do that.  

So, reach out.  I'd love to hear from you.  You can call me directly.  And if I can't be the one that can help you, I can help you find someone who will, because you do not have to wander the streets like everything is ok, secretly hoping and waiting for someone to come along, scoop you up, tend to your wounds, and set you on your way.  Today is the day— make that choice.  Alright, I hope this has been helpful and I will talk to you all next week.  Buh-bye!

Affairs & Repairs: Possible to Heal?

Emily Porta

Is healing is possible after your trust has been broken?

In the midst of all the media coverage with sites like Ashley Madison or Established Men, and kind of the threat of their clientele being exposed and all of their personal information, I just wanted to start a conversation.  I wanted to share with you guys kind of my experience with affairs and the kind of people that walk in my door.  And their hope and their despair.  And what that's like and how therapy can help.  Often times, if not always, you know the discovery of an affair of any kind, whether it's an emotional affair or a physical affair, it's a betrayal. And so, someone is often times left just feeling completely shattered and hopeless and wondering how in the world could we ever get past this?  And often times, more often times than not, the couples that I work with are able to do that.  And there's a lot of work that goes into that.  And it's not easy to do, but it's possible.  And I just wanted to share that with you guys today.  If there's anyone out there watching this right now that's listening, that's going, "I just don't know, Robyn.  I don't know if I can do this.  I don't know if I can ever trust her again.  Or him. I don't know if I want to do this.  I don't know if I want to put the work in to rebuilding something that we worked so hard for."  I hear you.  And you're not alone.  And you don't have to do it alone.  And if this is something that you're struggling with, call me today.  You don't have to go through this in secret and full of shame and guilt.  Call me.  Let's work through this together.  And if I'm not someone who it's a good fit, you know, or if you're not in the Laguna Hills area or Orange County area of California, I'll help you find someone who can help you.  Because this doesn't have to be the end of a relationship.  Call me.  If this has been helpful and you want to check out some of my other videos, hop over to YouTube.  Subscribe.  You'll get these in your email weekly, if you subscribe to my channel.  If you have any questions, please feel free to call me (714) 390-1652.

Poetry

Emily Porta

I was going through boxes from my old office to throw away things I didn't need. In one box I found a poem given to me by a coworker many years ago. I loved it so much, I carried it with me from office to office. I don't know the author but I find it holds a special place in my heart. 

I hold the hands of people I never touch.

I provide comfort to people I never embrace.

I watch people walk into brick walls, the same ones, over and over again, and I coax them to turn around and try to walk in a different direction.

People rarely see me gladly. As a rule I catch the residue of their despair.

I see people who are broken and people who only think they are broken. 

I see people who have had their faces rubbed in their failures. 

I see weak people wanting anesthesia and strong people who wonder what they have done to make such an enemy of fate. 

I am often the final pit stop people take before they crawl across the finish line that is marked: I Give Up.

Some people beg me to help.

Some people dare me to help.

Sometimes the beggars and the dare-ers look the same. Absolutely the same. I am supposed to know how to tell them apart.

Some people who visit me need scar tissue to cover their wounds. 

Some people who visit me need their wounds opened further, explored for signs of infection and contamination.

I make those calls too.

Some days, I'm invigorated by it all. Some days I am numbed.

Always, I am humbled by the role of helper.

And, occasionally, I'm ambushed.

My job is wonderful and hard. I admit that. I have no problem sharing that with clients either, because their lives are hard too. We are in it together. I am giving thanks today for my new office. I begin this week seeing clients there. It is my home. If you want to venture and grow with me, then you are welcome here. If you are completely scared and unsure, you are welcome here. Everyone that wants to try is welcome here.