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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: make it last

Secrets In Marriage

Emily Porta

Hi, Robyn D'Angelo here, The Happy Couple Expert and your relationship coach, teaching you how to create EPIC relationships that last.  And today I want to talk about something I learned from someone really remarkable that I haven't heard in a long time-- Homer Simpson!

 
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You heard me right.  The other night, my husband and I were watching TV and The Simpson's came on and we both just kind of chuckled, looked at each other and said, "Oh my gosh, let's watch this!"  Neither of us were allowed to watch it growing up, so it was kind of a bonding moment for us.  

Anyway, Homer was asked to teach a class on, get this, What Makes A Successful Marriage-- I'm cracking up!  Well, super long story short, he ends up sharing really, really detailed information and intimate information about his marriage to Marge and of course the class goes wild!  They are hanging on every word, raising their hands; they're engaged.  As you can imagine, this causes chaos in their relationship and Marge has to have a conversation with Homer (after she kicks him out for a few days to think about what he's done) about the boundaries in their relationship, about how they keep really intimate and sacred information safe, how they keep their secrets that they have together from the rest of the world.  

I bring this up because I want you to think about this.  In this day and age, where we can share things so publicly and instantly, I want you to think about, do you and your partner have any kind of agreement about what is and is not OK to share and to share with who?  Have you had this conversation about the secrets you two have together?  

Now if the word ‘secret’ is a little triggering, which it can be if you've ever experienced betrayal, shift the language just a little bit-- secrets or, intimate sacred information between you and your partnerSecrets within your relationship, between one another that you share, this can be bonding.  Yes, secrets that you have from one another-- this can be devastating.  That's not what I'm talking about.  

I want you to think about this: Have you and your partner set up boundaries around secrets?  If you have, what does it look like? Have you guys had the conversation of, "Hey, this and this and this are not OK for you to share, but this is totally fine and here's the people that I want you to know that when things get really tough, this is who I share things with." 

Have the conversation so that your partner is not thrown off, so that they know that when you're really struggling, they know that you have people that you can go to; moreover, that way you won't be blasting social media and the world with "Guess what she did last night, you'll never believe it.  I can't believe I'm married to this person."  Yikes! That feels awful!  

My challenge for you this week:  If you have not yet had that conversation of safeguarding the intimate details of your relationship, I want you to have that conversation this week.  Take 15 minutes, at least start the conversation.  And if you haven't and maybe you're struggling to, I'm so glad you are here.  

I just opened up a few more spots in my Make It Last coaching program, where I work with couples in 8 sessions to really really help them reconnect, learn some new communication skills and get you to the point where you are creating your epic relationship.  So, if that's something you're interested in, please reach out and email me directly.  Let's set something up.  Let's talk and see if this coaching program would be something that is perfect for you and your partner.  Alright you guys, I will talk to you next week!  Buh-bye!

Relationship Rehab with Robyn: Making Time to Be Married

Emily Porta

How are you making time for this today?

I want to ask you something.  I want to know, how are you making time to be married today?  We make time to do all sorts of things every single day.  We make time to be parents.  We make time to be employees, show up to work.  We make time to get down on the ground and, you know, play with our dogs or our cats.  We make time to do so many things throughout our day, but do you actually make the effort to be married?  And this can look like so many different things, but I just want to tell you a story that really inspired me to make this video today.  See if this can inspire you as well.  Everyday I see a couple from my window in my office walk up and down this short little block holding hands.  They stop at the corner, give each other a little kiss, turn and walk to the end, kiss and part.  And I was watching this for months and I thought, I have to ask them what's their deal?  What's their story?  And I did, and I ran out there and said "Oh, nice to meet you.  This is who I am and you're so inspiring.  What's your story?"  They work for the same company that got split into two different buildings and they wanted to make it a point to connect everyday, to not lose that interaction that they have when they're in the same office.  Now, you may not be able to do that with your partner, but you can make it a point to show up and be married.  How are you doing that today?  I want to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or just reach out to me at robyn@counselinglagunahills.com.