HEY THERE!  I'M SO GLAD YOU STOPPED BY!

NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN CREATING YOUR EPIC RELATIONSHIP OR BUILDING THE LIFE YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? FILL OUT THE CONTACT FORM ON THIS PAGE & LET'S FIND YOUR STARTING LINE TOGETHER!

IF YOU'RE READY TO MAKE EPIC CHANGES NOW, CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE YOUR FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULT!

I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU SOON!

-Robyn

23151 Verdugo Drive, Suite 201
Laguna Hills, CA 92653

714-390-1652

Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: practice it

A Message to all MFT students and interns

Emily Porta

School can teach you so many things. You learn theory, technique, development and more. All of those things that you are learning are important. Very important, pay attention. But the one thing that will give you an even greater capacity to empathize with your client, to fully understand the struggle of vulnerability that you ask of the person in your office, is to be in your own therapy. Some programs require you to be in therapy and the requirements are often minimal - 8 to 12 sessions. Other programs, like mine, encourage it, but don't require it.

I have said before that seeing a therapist who has never been in their own therapy is like going to a dentist that doesn't brush their own teeth. Being aware of yourself will help you manage your reactions to your clients, will give you a deeper compassion for others' sufferings, and will broaden your understanding of the relationship you have with those inside your office and outside in the "real world." 

Prior to my own work I had extreme anxiety. I sublimated this anxiety into overachieving, being the good one. I had to respond to others quickly, manage their expectations of me and expectations of myself, and felt greatly wounded when I was misunderstood. I believe without the work I would have done, these things would be brought into the session with my clients. I would not be grounded like I am today. No...I am not perfect (cue sound of shock and awe) and yes, I am still in my own therapy. I love it. I am constantly learning. 

No theory could prepare me for my self discovery. No classroom setting would prepare me for riding alongside my clients the way I do after having this inner reflection. No requirement for therapy from my program would limit me to brief sessions and stop me from doing the deep work that I needed to do.

So I know you are scared. Maybe you don't know what you will discover. I know you think you can't afford it. I say you can't afford not to go. In the long run, if you aren't doing your work, you won't be as good as a therapist as you could be. Which then leads to - you won't be able to maintain clients and build your reputation - which then leads to lost money anyhow. 

Your own therapy is an investment in your future, your career, in your family and changing your family tree. This is about radically accepting who you are, what makes you wonderful and what parts of the past you carry that are burdensome and need to be let go. I offer a discount to students and interns in my practice. Even if you aren't in my area, when you call a therapist, ask if they do the same. What do you have to lose? You have nothing left but to gain. 

Do you have the time?

Emily Porta

I am going through this fantastic training for MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction). The students have been asked to meditate 45 minutes per day. GEESH!!! When am I going to find time for that? Then the instructor reflected "isn't it sad that we can't find 45 minutes out of the day to take care of ourselves?" 

Yes, it is tough to take care of yourself. We tend to put others first and then leave the scraps for us. Those final moments that we have for ourselves are usually hard to be fully enjoyed because we are so exhausted. So how do you make time?

• Plan it - Don't wait for it to instantaneously happen. It would be nice if it did, but it won't. 

• Respect it - Treat it like you are taking care of all the other people that you have put before you in the past. Don't let it be interrupted. 

• Enjoy it - Don't fill the time with things you "should" be doing (ya know - groceries, bills, doctor appointments, etc) but instead fill it with stuff you want to do. Not sure what you want? Might be time for you to take some time to figure that out too :) 

• Talk about it - Make sure your support system is on board and supportive. Maybe you need someone to hold you accountable. If you don't feel like you have good support, journal about what you want to do. Just writing something down can solidify the intention.

• Practice it - You know the song "if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again..." So if you set aside time and it doesn't happen, then try again. BUT be sure to understand what got in the way of you taking time out for yourself. 

So what have you been putting off...what needs to be done....can you make the time????