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Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

The Blog

Filtering by Tag: relationship coaching

Take a Solo Trip to Reconnect with Your Partner

Emily Porta

 
 

Hi there! I'm getting ready to go on a trip without my husband.  And I get excited about this for a couple reasons, because I know the importance of space and time away from my partner.  I'm not excited to get away from him.  I'm excited to go do something that I've had planned that I know is both for my business and for pleasure, to connect with friends, because I know when I go and take care of myself, I am more alive and I feel inspired and I'm more motivated. 

When I come back to my partner, it completely changes the way we connect.  It changes how we engage with one another.  It changes how we relate to one another and it enhances our relationship. And I share this with you because I encourage you to look at your schedule and look at just your lives and do you have space to create, not to make, but to create and actively go and schedule something just for you? Whether it's business related or personally, you know enriching. 

Can you do that?  In the next week or two, can you take a look at your calendar and schedule something so that when you go away, you can recharge, get revived and return to your partner a new person? 

Alright and I want to hear from you-- what did you guys decide to do? And how did it go when you returned back and talked with your partner?  Remember, it's all about taking care of us, so that we can show up the best version of ourselves for our partners. 

Don't Wait 7 Years to Do This!

Emily Porta

 
 

Last week, I did something for the first time in nearly seven months!  Want to know what it was? Are you sitting down for this?  

I cut my hair!  

Check me out this video— look at the bodkin my new ‘do! “Why are you sharing this with us Robyn?"  You might be asking yourself this right now.  

I'm sharing this with you because, this is something that I don't take care of on a regular basis and I waited seven months to get my hair cut which mean I had to get a lot of length taken off.  I had to learn how to do my hair in a new way.  It feels different when I wash my hair and I do this.  

On average, couples wait seven years before they get help with a relationship that they're not happy in.  Sound familiar?  That's what the research tells us.  Seven years!  And can you imagine how hard it is to change something after seven years of routines and seven years of the same behavior- of the patterns and the way we interact with each other.  Seven years.  So, I'm here to ask you and encourage you, do not wait seven years.  

If your relationship is at that point where you just want more or you want to change some things, you're tired of certain things or you're ready to learn some new ways to connect with your partner because you know it can be even better-- now is the time.  Because, the longer we wait, the harder it is to really create that lasting change.  

So, if this resonating, if this is something that makes sense to you and you're sitting here nodding your head, going "Oh my gosh, I waited too long."  It's not too late.  Reach out!  I'd love to be the person to get you guys to get your relationship where you want it to be.  So please, don't wait seven months like I did!  Don't wait seven years.  Reach out.  Let's get you to that EPIC relationship that you know you want and deserve.  

Alright you guys, I'll talk to you next week.  Buh Bye!

Getting Your Needs Met

Emily Porta

 
 

Have you ever attempted to tell your partner what you need and gotten a response that was really lackluster or just really wasn't helpful at all when asking for something that you needed?  It's hard to talk to our partners about our needs and it doesn’t get easier when you get a response like this.  

Maybe, even saying 'Hey, I need this' is tough for you to do.  Maybe, because you have a history of your partner not being able to accommodate your needs or not understanding them or simply not caring when you asked for something you needed.  Well, today I want to give you a simple exercise for you and your partner to do to hopefully change thing conversation, to enhance this conversation, and to connect the two of you.  

I recently rediscovered a book that I’ve had on my bookshelf called, "His Needs, Her Needs."  It's a classic.  And there's something in there that really stood out to me.  It’s these 10 basic emotional needs that most of us have within relationships.  This is all based on research and surveys taken by the author.  

What I would love for you to do, is for you and your partner to sit down and write out these 10 emotional needs.  I'll go over those in a minute.  But then, just take some time to separate, go on your own, take a look at them and prioritize them.  You know, 1 through 10-- what's top priority?  And then pick your top 5.   And then have a conversation about this.  

Let me go through those 10 for you so you know what I'm talking about:  so there's affection, there's admiration, conversation, there's domestic support, family commitment, there is financial support, there is honesty and openness, there’s physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.  

So these are the 10 basic needs in most couples relationships.  So, when you take the time to prioritize these and you find your top 5, I want you to come back together and talk about what your top 5 are and what they mean to you because when someone says, 'Financial Support'  that can mean something to one person that is completely different to what it means to you.  

Start this conversation.  Start talking about how you can accommodate some of your partners needs-- things that maybe you're not comfortable with, which then leads us to boundary setting, which will be another video in the future.  But, just talking about and identifying 'What are my needs and what are my partner's basic needs?’

I can guarantee you this will be an eye opening conversation for the two of you especially if you've never done it in such an open and honest and loving way.  

So, try that out.  If you have any questions or you want some more support through that please reach out.  You can, you know, contact me directly or leave a message below-- leave a comment.  

What was this like to sit down and prioritize your needs and talk to your partner about this?  

Alright you guys, good luck!  I will see you next week! Take care!

Relationship Rehab with Robyn: Making Time to Be Married

Emily Porta

How are you making time for this today?

I want to ask you something.  I want to know, how are you making time to be married today?  We make time to do all sorts of things every single day.  We make time to be parents.  We make time to be employees, show up to work.  We make time to get down on the ground and, you know, play with our dogs or our cats.  We make time to do so many things throughout our day, but do you actually make the effort to be married?  And this can look like so many different things, but I just want to tell you a story that really inspired me to make this video today.  See if this can inspire you as well.  Everyday I see a couple from my window in my office walk up and down this short little block holding hands.  They stop at the corner, give each other a little kiss, turn and walk to the end, kiss and part.  And I was watching this for months and I thought, I have to ask them what's their deal?  What's their story?  And I did, and I ran out there and said "Oh, nice to meet you.  This is who I am and you're so inspiring.  What's your story?"  They work for the same company that got split into two different buildings and they wanted to make it a point to connect everyday, to not lose that interaction that they have when they're in the same office.  Now, you may not be able to do that with your partner, but you can make it a point to show up and be married.  How are you doing that today?  I want to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or just reach out to me at robyn@counselinglagunahills.com.