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-Robyn

23151 Verdugo Drive, Suite 201
Laguna Hills, CA 92653

714-390-1652

Relationships are messy + delicious. Learn about how Robyn D'Angelo, The Happy Couple Expert uses science to effectively help couples in Orange County, California to master the messiness of relationships while learning how to love + be loved, better.

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Filtering by Tag: relationship goals

An EPIC Marriage PSA.

Robyn D'Angelo

Relationships aren't alway EPIC. I know this. You know this. Yet we all crave those EPIC moments.

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

Sometimes, I envy this totes adorable couple. Do you?

It's totally cool - there's no shame in wanting some fairy tale version of love. It's what keeps us hopeful when shit gets messy in marriage. It's the stuff we dream + fantasize about. It's what puts a smile on our face when we get those random surprises from our partner. 

But it can also be disheartening if we expect our partners to show up in ways that aren't realistic. Or in ways that WE ourselves wouldn't even do. Sometimes we look at Rom-Coms and feel envy for that woman on the screen whose man surprised her with a weekend getaway, a fancy new dress, or when she is gently (yet firmly) kissed like she was the only person on the planet that he desired. (ooooh I love that one) 

There's no bigger LoveGeek on this planet than me, so I totally get this. 

And yet, in order to actually experience these EPIC LOVE moments, there's one thing that many of us overlook. So, I've written an EPIC Marriage PSA just for you (and it serves as a reminder for me too.)

You've heard various versions of this PSA with regard to world peace, success in your career + even finding that special someone. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."  -Gandhi
"Dress for the job you want, not the one you have."  -My Dad  
"Be the person you want to fall in love with."  -Danielle LaPorte

So, here's MY version for creating your epic relationship that lasts: 

"Be the EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit." 

That's it. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too complicated. Just start with being that person you most desire. 

Here are just a THREE ways you can start to do this, TODAY:

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1. Wake up tomorrow morning, look at your partner and say this: ""I love you. Do you know that? Do you know that even though we've been too busy for date nights, too tired for sex, + honestly too annoyed with each other to even hang out like we used to ... I love the hell outta you." 

2. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would relieve pressure from my partner? What's one thing that could put a smile on their face? What's one thing that would make them feel loved? {Then do it. One thing. Every day.} 

3. Ask yourself daily: What's one thing I could do today that would put a smile on MY face? How can I take care of myself so that I have energy, desire + interest in my partner? Can I book a massage? Can I go for a run? Can I get a sitter for the kids tomorrow night? Can I get tickets to a movie + go solo? Can I carve out 15 minutes to read this book that I've been wanting to dive into?

In order to have that EPIC marriage, and to be that EPIC partner you've got to start thinking about YOU! If all you do is give, give, give through out your day, you will have little to nothing to give your spouse. 

And here's the kicker ... you ready for this?

When you're depleted, it's nearly impossible to RECEIVE!

You read that right. When you're exhausted, feeling unappreciated, disconnected, + annoyed with how much you are giving ... it will be quite impossible for you to accept + appreciate all those EPIC love gestures from your partner that you CRAVE. 

So, let me know how it went. Try out these three SIMPLE steps in being that EPIC person you want to love you through all the hard shit. 

And if you're still struggling, maybe you two need a quick deep dive. Check out the 1-Day Couples Intensives that I offer. It just may be what you and your spouse need to reconnect! 

Make A Decision!

Emily Porta

 
 

Life is nothing but a series of choices.  And I say that in the context of relationships, because oftentimes I get my clients and people in general just kind of asking me, "Well, what do I do when I just feel like somethings not fair or I really truly feel like I'm in the right and they're in the wrong and I just need them to see me and hear me and I need them to change their minds?"  

You have a choice.  We always have choices and in a moment, your relationship can change simply based on a choice you make.  So if you are trying to connect with your partner or you're having a fight or you've just had a fight, think about your choice of what you're going to say, how you're going to respond.

Do you choose to turn toward them? Do you choose to walk towards them when you really just want to run for the hills?  You always have a choice.  

And oftentimes when you choose what's right for the relationship and you think about the relationship, rather than your wants and your feelings and, but what's right for the relationship and you choose according to that, it makes the world of difference.  

So, keep that in mind next time you have a fight or something just really hard comes up.  Think about, "what is my choice right now?" And just make a decision. And then if you don't like the outcome of that decision, make another decision.  That's the beauty in this.  There's no right or wrong decisions, there's just decisions with outcomes.  And then based on how you feel on that outcome, make a different decision.  

So, there you have it.  And if you don't know how to make those decisions or you would like help making those decisions, call me!  That's what I do! I help couples every single day learn how to love and be loved and that includes making decisions.  So, reach out.  Thanks for watching, I'll see you next week!  Bye!

THE Question You Should Ask TODAY!

Emily Porta

Today I am giving you something that you and your partner can do to reconnect.

So many times I have couples walk into my office saying, "I just don't know how to connect with my partner,"  "I don't know how to make them feel special," or "I need to feel special and I don't know how to tell my partner to do this without hurting their feelings or starting a fight."  

So, I have a question that each of you can ask one another at least once a week.  And it can be any version of this, but the question is,

"What is one thing that I could do today that would take our relationship to a 10?"  

One thing!  And what this does, is it gets your partner thinking about:

  • Things that you do well in the relationship, because you obviously want to do more of that
  • It also gives your partner an opportunity to talk about what they need.  Often times we don't either feel comfortable doing this or maybe we just don't know how to ask for what we need.

 So, there you have it, it's that simple.  Ask your partner AND having your partner ask you, "What's one thing I can do today to get our relationship to a 10?"  See what happens.  

And if this is something that you struggle with, even getting to that question-- I want to hear from you!  It is my goal to get couples all over the world to just connect, to start enjoying one another.  

Life is too short to be in a relationship that you don't enjoy-- that's not EPIC!  So, there you have it, ask your partner this question.  Have them ask you this question.  

And thanks for watching!  I'll see you guys next time, buh-bye!

Anger, Resentments, & How to Release their Hold on Your Relationships

Emily Porta

Are your resentments taking you for a ride?  Check out this video for a technique that actually works by giving you permission to feel your anger and and see your way through your resentments. 

Today, I want to talk about anger, and specifically, I want to talk about resentments. 

Anger is a very healthy, normal, natural emotion.  We all feel this at times.  And I think where it tends to feel upsetting is when we make choices on how to experience that, or basically, how we deal with our anger.  Resentment is one of those ways. 

Resentment is something that, we tend to have this story in our mind, and it kind of goes round and round.  We spin out, thinking things like,  "How could this person do this?  What were they thinking?  What's their problem?"  And it goes round and round and festers, and keeping us in that victim role and them in the "they're the ones that did this" role, casting the blame onto them. 

One of the ways that I've learned from my dear friend and colleague Michelle Farris, LMFT on ways to deal with resentments when we find ourselves stuck in that loop is totry writing down--completely uncensored--everything that you feel and think about this situation, or even about the person.  Just write it all out. 

Then once you've had a chance to do that, I want you to think about how the resentment impacts you personally.  Does it impact your self-esteem?  Does it impact your emotional kind of security?  Maybe financially?  Does it impact you when you're out in public?  Write this down in detail. 

Then I want you to write out, how do your behaviors and your attitudes, your mood--how does this impact this situation as a whole? 

What happens when we have resentments toward someone is it tends to separate us.  We feel like we can't trust that person.  Maybe we feel like we don't want to apologize because then we have to forgive them.  Right? 

Next, I want you to write out next everything you would say to that person.  Again, completely uncensored, every single thing.  Now, you're not going to give this to that person.  This is entirely for your benefit, to learn to navigate and move through this resentment, in order to see if you can release some of this a little bit.  Because the resentment actually holding you captive. 

There's also very specific ways that you can start to communicate your feelings, your thoughts to the other person involved.  And that's when I recommend that you highly reach out to a trained professional.  Maybe a therapist like myself, maybe a coach, maybe someone in your congregation at a church or something. 

Get some specific help in learning how to communicate your feelings and your thoughts to help release some of these resentments.  And I can guarantee your relationships will begin to shift immediately. 

Leave me any questions you have below and if this is something that you're struggling with and you'd like some help, reach out.  You can call me directly at 714-390-1652.  Or, shoot me an email if you have a specific question.

Relationship Rehab with Robyn: Making Time to Be Married

Emily Porta

How are you making time for this today?

I want to ask you something.  I want to know, how are you making time to be married today?  We make time to do all sorts of things every single day.  We make time to be parents.  We make time to be employees, show up to work.  We make time to get down on the ground and, you know, play with our dogs or our cats.  We make time to do so many things throughout our day, but do you actually make the effort to be married?  And this can look like so many different things, but I just want to tell you a story that really inspired me to make this video today.  See if this can inspire you as well.  Everyday I see a couple from my window in my office walk up and down this short little block holding hands.  They stop at the corner, give each other a little kiss, turn and walk to the end, kiss and part.  And I was watching this for months and I thought, I have to ask them what's their deal?  What's their story?  And I did, and I ran out there and said "Oh, nice to meet you.  This is who I am and you're so inspiring.  What's your story?"  They work for the same company that got split into two different buildings and they wanted to make it a point to connect everyday, to not lose that interaction that they have when they're in the same office.  Now, you may not be able to do that with your partner, but you can make it a point to show up and be married.  How are you doing that today?  I want to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or just reach out to me at robyn@counselinglagunahills.com. 

Don't Let Anxiety Kill Your Relationship

Emily Porta

Anxiety in a relationship is challenging and here are three things YOU can do to ensure it doesn't kill your relationship. 

Did these help you? I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or email me directly. If you're in the Laguna Hills, California area and you'd like to know more about how to create a happier and healthier relationship - I'd love to work with you directly. (714) 390-1652.

Don't Let Facebook Ruin Your Relationship!

Emily Porta

There are many things you can do to enjoy social media without it messing up your relationship - here are just a few of those. Check out this video and learn 3 tips for you and your partner to stay plugged in without disconnecting.

Did these help you? I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or email me directly

Transcription:

Hi.  Robyn D'Angelo here, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Specialist.  Today I'm talking about relationships and social media.  More importantly, how to create some boundaries within your relationship so that Facebook especially does not mess up your relationship and the bond between you and your partner.  I'm going to give you three rules.  The first rule is don't over-share on Facebook with your posts.  And that can be good stuff and bad stuff.  It's really important to learn what is your partner's comfort level with how much you share on Facebook.  They may not feel comfortable knowing or having your whole social world--family, friends--know that they made you a nice romantic candlelit dinner last night wearing only an apron.  They also may be really uncomfortable if you're sharing details of a fight you had.  That can feel really vulnerable to your partner.  So, taking time to have a conversation before you're posting things about your partner's comfort level.  And really getting that established so that you're setting those boundaries.  The second rule is do not stay actively in touch with exes.  And I may get some slack for this but sometimes people can definitely keep--maintain healthy relationships with exes but I think it's important to talk to your partner about this.  If you are connected with your ex through Facebook or a number of exes, think about why you are still connected with them.   What is it about the relationship that gets your needs met that maybe your current relationship does not.  And what would happen if your partner was doing the same thing?  Would it upset you?  Again, everyone's answers to this are going to be different, but it's important to start having this conversation with your partner to really get some boundaries established.  The last rule, third and final rule, is avoid at all costs if you can those passive aggressive posts.  So this looks like, say you see your friends have gone out on a romantic date and you end up posting beneath the beautiful picture or whatever the comment is, you know, "Boy, it sure would be nice to have a date night."  Your partner can see that and it can be really hurtful.  It can actually trigger insecurities.  It can drive a wedge between the two of you and the point of being in a relationship is to stay emotionally connected.  Again, what I recommend is talking directly to your partner.  If there's things that you would like to happen more in your relationship, it requires a conversation.  Our partners are not mind readers.  So those are just three things to keep in mind when it comes to social media and setting boundaries.  Which is be careful not to over-share, not staying connected to exes on Facebook, and then avoiding those passive-aggressive posts.  If this has been helpful, great.  I'd love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or you can email me at robyn@therapywithrobyn.com.  I'd love to hear from you.  Take care.

Top 10 Ways to Improve Your Relationships Now!

Emily Porta

Can you really surmise improving relationships in 10 bullet points? Well, I think this is a great starting point. You will note the title isn't top things the other person can do to make your relationship better. Nope, change starts with you. This is the hard part, the piece that we often cringe at facing. What is your responsibility? 

You can't control the actions of others. You can't predict the behaviors of others. That leaves you with you. Only you can make changes. They will inevitably impact the other person and from that you can decide what you want to do in the relationship. You actually are only responsible for you - owning your feelings, thoughts and behaviors.

So, if you would like my Top 10 list, then join my newsletter here. I also include other fun tidbits on a monthly basis of ways to help transform your life.