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The Blog

Filtering by Tag: seasonal anxiety

VIDEO TIP: How to Love Your Stressed Out Partner

Emily Porta

Thank you so much for joining me in our seventh edition of the How To Love Your Partner series.  Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to love your stressed out partner.  I felt like this was appropriate for the holiday season.  Check out this week's videofor three quick tips.

Often times, the holidays can reek havoc on our relationships.  So, I'm going to give you three simple ways to learn to love your partner just a little bit more when they're extremely stressed out. 

I call these the "Three Rs" and they're really simple. 

1.  Review your ROLES.  Take a look at how do you and your partner show up in your day-to-day.  Are you typically the one who is out getting things ready for holiday parties?  Are you sending invitations?  Are the one sending out cards, getting presents together, coordinating each other's schedules?  Or is that your partner?  Review in your mind your role compared to your partner's, and how you both contribute.

2.  Make a REQUEST.  Go to your partner and say, "I want to sit down and take a look at what's coming up in the next couple of weeks.  Let's take a look at our schedules. Let's look at holiday parties, shopping, all of these things.  And let me know how I be a support to you."  It's that simple.  Ask: "Do you need help with certain things?  Give me things to do.  Let's delegate.  Let's split these up, divide and conquer."  This really tells your partner, "We're a team.  And I want to help you get through this.  I also understand how stressful this can be and I'm here to help." 

3.  REJOICE.  Celebrate together.  Celebrate those things that your partner has entrusted in you and verbalize that to your partner.  Let them know how much you appreciate them being able to confide in you, being able to depend on you. It says a lot when you can go to your partner and say, "Thank you so much for being able to receive my help and support, and for being able to depend on me."  Because that adds value to a relationship.  This is also positive reinforcement.  You're telling your partner, "This is really good.  This feels good. Thank you."  And your partner's brain loves that, whether they know it or not. 

I hope this has been helpful, but if you still want more tips and tools on how to really love your stressed out partner, especially during the holidays, feel free to contact me directly at 714-390-1652. 

Don't Let Anxiety Kill Your Relationship

Emily Porta

Anxiety in a relationship is challenging and here are three things YOU can do to ensure it doesn't kill your relationship. 

Did these help you? I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or email me directly. If you're in the Laguna Hills, California area and you'd like to know more about how to create a happier and healthier relationship - I'd love to work with you directly. (714) 390-1652.

Family Vacation?

Emily Porta

The days are more sunny here in Southern Orange County and people are on spring break. You know what that means? More time with the family! Typically when the kids are out of school for the week, mom or dad end up finding something to do with them. Some families may even take that much needed spring vacation. More time with the kids should be fun and relaxing in theory, but sometimes it can be exhausting and overwhelming. So what do you do with a whole weeks worth of time without feeling like you are losing your mind? 

• Don't break the bank! Do stuff that is free and affordable. Parks, swimming, the beach...you know what I am talking about! Financial stress is one of the top hot buttons for couples and your time off is for creating memories and spending quality time together, not arguing over how much stuff costs.

• Put up a hammock. That's right, kick back and relax a bit. If you are a person that is always on the go, think of what you are teaching your kids. There is something to be said for balance in our lives and teaching our children that they don't always have to be entertained. Kids are shuttled around right after school to tutoring, swim lessons, soccer practice....and more! Is it any wonder that children have more anxiety than ever? There is a time to rest and be sure to put that into your time off. 

• Find your own space. Each person in the family doesn't have to be around each other all the time. Make some room for quality alone time. Do something you love too!

• Get help. If you are overwhelmed, ask for help. You do ask for help don't you? In my experience, asking for what we need can be the hardest thing to do for ourselves. However, taking care of yourself makes you a better parent and teaches your kids the importance of community and support. Maybe you feel alone and isolated. Even if it is asking a family member, friend or neighbor or calling someone you trust, you know you won't have to face the stress alone.

So whether you are on vacation, staying at home, or getting someone to watch the kids the whole week...may you have fun, laughter and joy. We already have enough stress in our lives, why create more of it?

Is your holiday not so merry?

Emily Porta

The turkey has been gobbled and the shops have had their busiest day of the year. The air feels crisp and there are fanciful decorations all around. This should put you in the holiday spirit, right? Actually for a lot of us, the holidays are difficult, emotionally overwhelming, and something we just try to get through. Being around family can bring up old wounds and conflicts. We also might reminisce and grief further the losses of those that are not with us to celebrate any longer. Here are some tips to do more than just survive the season.

1. Give yourself some space - It is ok to be alone sometimes. Plan it and do something nice for yourself. Read that book that you have been meaning to get to, take a long bath, get in the kitchen an bake something, or rent your favorite DVD.

2. Give back - When we serve and show compassion to others, it draws us out of our pain and helps us to not feel so alone. There are lots of opportunities this time of year to donate your time and resources to those in need.

3. Surround yourself with goodness - There might be someone in your life that it is hard to be around. This is the time to set a boundary and surround yourself with people that are supportive instead. If you feel like you don't have someone to lean on, find other goodness in your life. This can be time for meditation, eating a favorite meal, watching something funny, or going for a beautiful hike. Practicing the art of appreciation can lift your mood and brighten your perspective.

4. Balance your mind - Yep, somedays are going to be better than others. But remember, this is not the movies, life isn't perfect and that is ok because the pain is temporary and isn't all encompassing. There is some good, some bad, and some neutral. When you start to despair, balance the thought with something that is positive and acknowledge that they both can exist in the same space. The more you fight to not feel the more tension arises in your body and mind. This can be exhausted. Work to find the lightness in your heart.

These are just a few quick ways to cope with the holidays. Call me if you want to talk more about ways you can cope 714.390.1652

May you find meaning in this season- meaning in the pain and the joy.