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The Blog

Filtering by Tag: stress eating

VIDEO TIP: How to Love Your Stressed Out Partner

Emily Porta

Thank you so much for joining me in our seventh edition of the How To Love Your Partner series.  Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to love your stressed out partner.  I felt like this was appropriate for the holiday season.  Check out this week's videofor three quick tips.

Often times, the holidays can reek havoc on our relationships.  So, I'm going to give you three simple ways to learn to love your partner just a little bit more when they're extremely stressed out. 

I call these the "Three Rs" and they're really simple. 

1.  Review your ROLES.  Take a look at how do you and your partner show up in your day-to-day.  Are you typically the one who is out getting things ready for holiday parties?  Are you sending invitations?  Are the one sending out cards, getting presents together, coordinating each other's schedules?  Or is that your partner?  Review in your mind your role compared to your partner's, and how you both contribute.

2.  Make a REQUEST.  Go to your partner and say, "I want to sit down and take a look at what's coming up in the next couple of weeks.  Let's take a look at our schedules. Let's look at holiday parties, shopping, all of these things.  And let me know how I be a support to you."  It's that simple.  Ask: "Do you need help with certain things?  Give me things to do.  Let's delegate.  Let's split these up, divide and conquer."  This really tells your partner, "We're a team.  And I want to help you get through this.  I also understand how stressful this can be and I'm here to help." 

3.  REJOICE.  Celebrate together.  Celebrate those things that your partner has entrusted in you and verbalize that to your partner.  Let them know how much you appreciate them being able to confide in you, being able to depend on you. It says a lot when you can go to your partner and say, "Thank you so much for being able to receive my help and support, and for being able to depend on me."  Because that adds value to a relationship.  This is also positive reinforcement.  You're telling your partner, "This is really good.  This feels good. Thank you."  And your partner's brain loves that, whether they know it or not. 

I hope this has been helpful, but if you still want more tips and tools on how to really love your stressed out partner, especially during the holidays, feel free to contact me directly at 714-390-1652. 

Distractions

Emily Porta

Oh the holidays are here and my oh my how we can get distracted. Typically for therapists, this is the slower time of year as people are busy with travel and family plans. Then come January, the flood of new calls come in as the realization for needing help is awakened. During this time you can read a lot of blogs about how to cope with the holidays. Holidays can be STRESSFUL! And what is more stressful is how we don't let anybody else know what is going on with us. We put on a smile and "get through it." So this week we have Thanksgiving coming up. One of the many distractions that we use to cope with stress is eating. When we are with our families or if we are alone we may have an intensity in our emotions that we aren't used to feeling. So, we reach for some more food, zone out in front of the tv and just "get through it." Mindfulness teaches us to be aware of our emotions, not judge them, just acknowledge them. It is in this awareness that we then can cope. If you don't name it, you can't deal with it. I find that as I say to myself, "ok, I am annoyed at my aunt so and so right now," the compulsion to reach for more food diminishes. Yes, distractions are fun sometimes and seem to work in the moment. But like I said, my phone rings off the hook in January after some of the distractions are gone. The distractions don't work. They just put off what we need to deal with to be whole again. So this week, whatever your situation, just take a moment, breathe and say what you are feeling or thinking.